Is One of your Children Harder to Love?

Is one of your children harder to love than the others?

(remember, at when you respond, you do NOT have to leave your name, email or link to your blog… but if you want to – feel free)

22 thoughts on “Is One of your Children Harder to Love?

  1. Laura

    I was thinking of responding to this anon, but decided it doesn’t really matter. There are many parents, who at times feel the same way.

    It isn’t so much one of my daughter’s is harder to love, as it is she is harder to understand and like. She is the most quiet out of 5 children, rather withdrawn, can be difficult to understand at times because of some speech issues and really takes herself out of social situations more than our other kids.

    She lies “a lot” and has been caught in so many lies that we never know if anything she says is true.

    Aside from all of this, sometimes all I want to do is hug her and hope that one day; everything will turn around.

  2. Candid Carrie

    I remember when my chronically ill child was diagnosed as degenerative and then terminal and I made the almight decision to sign the paper declaring no heroic measures should be done to revive her. In my head I felt like it would look to others like I loved her less, but I never did love her less but I was worried about that illusion.

  3. Jennifer

    One of my children is more challenging that the other, but no harder to love. My children are 2 and t3, and so different. That is not a bad thing, but I have spoken to a number of parents of older children who have better insight on this matter. Most of them comment on the difference in how they loved the child rather than the amount they loved the child.

  4. Deb

    I have one daughter who is definitely more challenging – especially since she and I do not think alike at all. I get frustrated with her so very easily and have to constantly remind myself to remember to praise her often as well. It’s not that I love her any less than her sisters though – it just takes more effort on my part sometimes.

  5. Anonymous

    My daughter is way more challenging than my son. She’s strong willed (and so am I), and I find we butt heads a lot. I love her immensely, though. I find when I’m frustrated with her, it’s not because I don’t love her as much. It’s because I find her making the same mistakes I did as a child, and I don’t want her to get hurt.

    I don’t love my son more than my daughter, but my relationship with each child is very different. I don’t think that’s bad though.

  6. Anonymous

    Yes!! My 5 yr old daughter is. She is very argumentative, defiant, and whiny. We did not let her become like this, but because of other problems, this is how she is. I love her and would die for her, but I sometimes wish she was “normal.”

  7. Anonymous

    I had post partum depression and a c-section with my second child. I feel both contributed to me not feeling quite the same about her as I did about the first. With the first, I was in love from the second I laid eyes on her. She was/is very cuddly and affectionate as well (like me). The second was never a cuddler and I didn’t feel a bond with her for a few months which scared and upset me. But I do believe part of it was the post partum depression (sometimes I felt that she took me away from spending more time with my firstborn) and the c-section (I felt less of a bond with whole birthing process).

    Candid Carrie – I commend you for your decision of no heroic measures. I believe it shows how much you loved your daughter, in that you did not want to see her suffer longer than necessary. I cannot imagine having to make that decision and I just wanted to say you are brave.

  8. Anonymous

    My oldest. Right now, he is in jail for “burglary”. He has been in jail for terroristic threats, assault, robbery, and a list of other misdemeanors and felonies. He sold drugs out of my apartment (when I found them, I threw him out and flushed them… I didn’t want to lose my other children because him).

    When he was a teenager, I would have to check his backpack because he would carry a butcher knife with him everywhere. I called the police several times because of the knife. They always told me that since he hadn’t done anything wrong, there was nothing they could do. They told me to have him committed. I was terrified of the boy and I told them so. He was 6’3″ and muscular. How in the world did they expect me to get him to a mental hospital (or any hospital, or anywhere for that matter) voluntarily?

    None of my other children have these tendencies. My older daughter is a wonderful person. She works for her church and is getting ready to enter a Christian college in the fall. My older son (third child) is a bright boy who wants to be a Marine! My youngest two are just babies, really, but they already seem so much different than my oldest.

    He claims that it’s all my fault. The drugs, the weapons, the violence. Everything. What I don’t understand is how my other children have turned out so well if what he is is all because of me.

    My Grandmother had a child who was in prison. She went to see him every two weeks or so and talked to him several times a week. When he got out she took him in and it was like he was still her baby.

    As for me… I haven’t seen my oldest in almost three years and I have no plans to change that anytime soon. He scares me still. I check the “inmate locator” for his jail at least once a week. It scares me that he’s going to be out soon.

    Harder to love? I love the boy he used to be. The man he is now is a stranger to me.

  9. Anonymous

    Yes. Well, at least one of them is harder to LIKE. My older son, who is 18 and just graduated from HS, is moody and sullen and hates authority. My younger son (14) is just … joy. I can’t think of a better word.

  10. Anonymous

    I have two son’s. Now that they are a little older ( 8 and 6) they are both a joy. However when my younger son was just a baby he was a colicky baby and cried most of the day. It’s not that it was harder to love him so much as liking him? When he was a toddler We had to keep a close eye on him because he would get into everything. I had some worries about him but now that he is older and can communicate he is such a joy. He loves to make people laugh and can light up a room now. My oldest was just so different when he was a baby. Very laid back (still is) and so I just wasn’t used to having a demanding baby when my youngest was born. I wouldn’t trade them in for the world though :D. Even with the tough times LOL.

  11. Polly Esther

    I have similar feelings about my second born taking away time from my first born and I know that’s just ridiculous in a way because it’s not her fault! I adore both of my children and love them both very much- differently. I am waiting to have that deep connection with my daughter that I have with my son; I’m thinking it will occur when she’s older.

  12. Anonymous

    I don’t “not” love my oldest daughter, but she makes it really hard sometimes! We are just alike, so we are always fighting. *sigh* I miss the days before she turned into an alien teenager!

  13. peeking in

    When my first son was born I had a very hard birth and couldn’t get out of bed for a week (God bless my Mother for coming to help me). After I was up and moving I didn’t want to love him because I was convinced he was going to die of SIDS. It took a long time for me to bond with him. My second son was an easy birth and I quit working to stay home with him, he was also an easy baby so I bonded much faster with him. Now my oldest boy (6) is a real helper, so polite and easy going and the younger one (3) is out to tarrorize the house. I love them both, but some days it’s easier to love one than it is to love the other, then they switch.

  14. Lydia

    I love my son so much but I stay angry with him because he is wasting his life and it hurts the family. Sometimes I get so drained from worrying about him and have to remind myself that he has a God too.

  15. Anonymous

    I love my kids the same amount I love them and my husband with all I have I would give my life for any of them But sometimes I like my children differently somedays I like my daughter way more and wanna do more with her than others that but with my son and some days I just want my hubby to myself but it is only for like an hour once I get moving and doing my normal day things I think how stupid am I. I love my family and I want more kids the thing is they are what keep me happy.

  16. j

    I have never loved any of my children more or less than the others. But accepting them equally is more on target. My oldest daughter was always ‘special’ to me. I had her at a young age and basically grew up with her, even though I never thought of her as my friend.

    I was always open and honest with her, to her. Her questions, no matter how difficult or personal they were, always were answered with fact at the very least. I believed whole-heartedly for 20 years that we had a special bond, more special than the bond I have with my younger daughters. Then one day in July, that glass house shattered into a gazillion shreds and things have never been the same.

    I learned of her lying, her drug use, her completely ‘other’ life. She became gay overnight (and mind you today she is again straight). The thing that most crushed me was her lying though. I could’ve stood by her, carried her, pushed her, let go or whatever other support she needed from me had she just been honest with me. But after 4 months of trying to sort through the lies and learn how to deal with the feelings of betrayal…I gave up. I told her to stay out of my life….and that is exactly what she has done.

    I don’t love her any less, but don’t believe we will ever again be the mother and daughter that I believed for so long that we were. I don’t think I’ll ever trust her again, and don’t know if I will ever have the opportunity to find out.

  17. jll

    i have often asked myself why is my youngest the hardest to deal with?? i love her the same as my son. we have been through many things with her as a baby and in her toddler years, and preteen years, now that she is a teenager, i really don’t know who this child is. she is always in some kind of trouble in school, does not like school, or the teachers, etc etc. i find it hard to understand what is going on in her head. the wall around her is so thick, no one is aloud to go through. its not easy being a teenager during these time, not like it was for most of who where born in 60s. this is totally different ball game. i really wish she would just open up more and tell me the truth of what things going on in her head and at school. i always tell her i’m not going to judge you, i just want to help and listen. but i find out after she gets in trouble one way or another. as they were babies we hold them and tell them it will be alright, now, now. as teenagers its harder.

  18. Anonymous

    Sadly, yes. The guilt sometimes really eats me up too but it still is what it is.

    It’s not without provocation and similar to a posting above where her child had been in a lot of trouble over the years.

    One thing that’s been really hard for me to accept was that it’s not MY fault. I’ve done the best I could with what I had at the time and got the help for him and myself whenever and wherever I could. The fallout of all of those tumultuous years though is that if I am honest, I do love one son more than the other. 🙁

  19. Anonymous

    My 2 older children have a different father then my 5yr old.My 5yr old acts just like his dad!He makes me so mad sometimes. At times I imagine what our lives would be like if I had went through with the abortion.

  20. Anonymous

    I have 2 boys who are 2 years apart in age but miles apart in personality. My oldest is my mini-me in looks and attitude, he has always been a pretty laid back kid, and as my first we bonded quickly and strongly.
    When the little one came along, I had a huuge shock!! He was over a month early, a pound heavier than expected, and colicky!! I remember days when my husband would come home and find all 3 of us crying! I would hand him the baby, I referred to him as “his son” or “this thing”, and go to my oldest sons room and hide in the closet and bawl until my husband got the baby down and found me. I never told anyone but I remember the resentment I felt towards this horrible screaming puking monster who had invaded my life and taken all of my time and attention from my oldest. Around 4 months, the baby finally became normal and stopped acting like he hated me, and grew into a funny, outgoing, wild man! He’s 6 now…he’s just like his father in good and bad ways, and while I adore both of my boys he does make it really hard sometimes!!

  21. Anonymous

    I have 3, boy 10, girl 8, and a girl 4. My 8yr is the hardest of them all. She lies, steals food, others peoples things, other peoples food. I struggle everyday trying to get her to do the right thing. I am not a strict mum because I had a very strict upbrining, so I tend to be more tolerable of mess and noise. Im just at my wits end today. First it was the gettingup early to raid the pantry, then it was the lying about ‘being a good girl’ and giving her younger sister breakfast. (which she didn’t, and I found out an hour later!), then it was again taking food out of the fridge, and lying to my face that she didn’t when the evidence was on the loungerrom floor and her face. I sent her to her room and she decided to sneak outside when I wasnt looking. This is an everyday occurance and I am struggling to comprehend why she does it. My kids do not have everything they want but they do have nice things. my 10 yr has ADHD and he’s EASY!!! I know parenting is supposed to be tough, but geez why do I feel like throwing her out the front door and closing it somedays? I’ve sat her down and talked to her about it all and all I get is ‘I don’t know?’. Will she grow out of this? Will it get easier? :/


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