Do you feel equal to your siblings, or is one favored over the others?
November 4th, 2008
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In your family, do you feel "equal" to your siblings, or do your parents favor one over the others? Was it this way growing up also and have you ever addressed it?11 Responses to “Do you feel equal to your siblings, or is one favored over the others?”
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I only have one older brother and yea he is the favorite always has been and always will be I’ve pretty much gotten over it cause I dont live near my parents and never have once I left home. He is right in the same town so he is the responsible one to my dad whose left so with that he gets the job.
I’ve always been the favored one, being the youngest and the only girl, but my two brothers are also complete losers (in all ways you can think of) so I can’t say I blame my parents.
Growing up I didn’t feel there was a ‘favorite child’ (it’s just me & my little brother). Though I think in some situations I felt he got more leway with my folks for getting away with things (he dropped out of high school, they bought him his first car, he was busted with drugs and they didn’t kill him, stuff like that). Now I still feel there isn’t a favorite, per say. Looking from the outside in you would think I would be the favorite, I’m ‘living the dream’ - great marriage, kids, house, dream job, ect. and he is still living at home (at 29, hello get out of the house already). But inside our family my Mom is great at supporting us both as individuals. In his defense: he has like two jobs and his own business, he pays his bills and gives my Mom money when he can, and it’s nice to know she is not alone in that house at night. He is also a GREAT uncle and we have a fabulous friendship. So, all in all, I hope I can have the same even-handedness my Mom did in raising my three boys.
I was the oldest of 4. My closest sibling is 7 years younger than I. I was always the dutiful one. My younger siblings got the most attention. My mom only went to one of my band concerts in 6 years…and my dad…I don’t think I remember him ever coming. I definitely wasn’t a favorite…
I always felt equal to all my siblings except my step brothers, because they in my opinion were spoiled rotten by there mom (my stepmother). I always treat my kids equal, althought they might not think so. I love all my kids equally.
My dad isn’t really my dad. He is my stepdad, but he raised me since I was a young child. He always says I am as much his daughter as his real daughter, but it is definitely only when it is convenient for him. For instance, him and my sister had a huge fight recently and he was calling me asking for my support, for which I was glad to offer. There have been several times when he was broke and I gave him some money. Most recently when he needed gas money asked my sister and she said no because she had to buy some febreeze. I only had $5 and I gave it to him, even though I needed gas myself. Now he is living with my grandma, who has money and he is now in a good position. When I asked for help with money recently, for 2 different severe problems, he said no, even though I could pay him back since I work 3 jobs. But my sister, who has no job, can go get money whenever she wants, and they have also set her up with a trust and bonds, neither of which they have ever done for me.
So I can be his daughter when it is convenient for him and he needs my help. I have been there for him through 4 divorces, one of which was my mom, and I took his side through. I was there when he was foreclosed on and nobody else would help him move. I was there when he was sick, and nobody else cared. But when it comes to money I am not his “true” daughter and he can’t help. (Not because he doesn’t have it, he has a lot of money now). It is f’d up.
My husbands family favors the two sisters and not him. Now it affects me because the sister and her two girls are greatly favored over my two sons. Even my step-son who is 20 (husband’s son) is favored over mine. It hurts. My boys aren’t included in things, etc., and if I mention anything it gets twisted that I’m not taking them right, etc. My husband has just explained to me that it has been like that since he was a child (that his mom & dad favored the sisters) and that’s why he can’t stand them. He said he doesn’t think about it or he’d be mad and angry all the time, so he tells me just to let it go, but it hurts, especially when they treat his oldest son like gold, but don’t care whether mine are there or not. Like this 4th of July, my inlaws and favored sister and her family will be spending at cousins cabin and have loft all to themselves. We were told either not to stay, or can use tent outside (they have bears that’s why other’s won’t camp there) or sleep on living room floor. Wow, we’ve never been there, were just invited, and we get the scraps. This happens ALL the time, and I’m SOOOOO sick of it.
My parents ALWAYS favored my older sister. She is 6 years older and whenever she has done something they would yell at me. Whether we were children, in our 20’s or 30’s. It was always my fault even if she started a fight or done something. I blame them for having no relationship with my sister at all.
Now, we are both in our 30’s and just few days ago we were at my dad’s birthday party. My dad was saying how he handmade something and was describing it. I was eating and just listening, seemed interesting actually, yet my sister burst out laughing. 5 minutes later my dad got up and brought up that thing he handmade, and started showing it in my face, yelling at me and telling me that nothing is funny, he even blow a raspberry in my face. A man in his early 60’s to do that is sick. I was shocked, yet not all that surprised that he is blaming me because he has been doing it all my life.
I got up from the table and went into washroom for little bit. I did not wanted to make a scene as there were other guests present, but I am pregnant, I don’t need this especially now. My husband and little one were there as well and I stayed until they ate cake and left. Even my mother started giving me a lecture because I refused to return to the table and she started bickering at me, bringing up my pregnancy hormones and whatnot.
My sister did not say a word, she just sat there, neither did her husband say anything, but her behavior is nothing new, she always does that. A normal person would get up and say stop blaming her, she did not say anything.
Now, my only wish is to ensure that my children are treated equal and to never treat them the way I have been treated.
Sorry for venting and a long post.
My little sister has always been favored over me by our mother no matter what!
I’m the older sister, and I’m the one who has to not only tend to our mother, but her as well. I listen to and protect both of them, and my mom has literally begun seeing me as a counselor more than a daughter. She’s even told me to my face she didn’t love me, and thought I was crazy when I tried to talk to her about her favoring my sister over me. Hell, she’s threatened to call the cops on me for wanting to have a heart to heart talk!
I love my little sister with all my heart, but it figures that she doesn’t do anything about this treatment. She ignores it, but it’s a-okay for me to go up and defend her when they’re mistreating her! I’ve even offered to pay for her college tuition when I have my own to worry over. I’m the one who began looking for a place to get her and myself away from our abusive situation. I even paid for her ACTs with money I received from our deceased father’s insurance.
And my sister doesn’t even want to move in with me, because she wants to separate from both of us. She’s ungrateful, and because she knows that if she’s quiet while she’s getting scolded, she’ll be defended soon enough.
She’s quiet, and shy, and very nice. But no one but myself can see how mean she can really be. I’m mean too, yes, but because I out right scold her for doing wrong, I’m played off as the rotten sister. People have told me constantly I’m so cruel. But she’s even crueler.
My sister loves to pawn off our mother. I’m the only one who watches her to make sure she doesn’t spend too much. If I do ask for something, though, mom makes a big deal about it. I asked for a seven dollar subscription for my birthday present, instead of the hundred dollar tablet they promised me. I got yelled at, because my tapes earlier had paid for ‘my birthday’ apparently. My sister asks for over thirty dollars in videos every time we go to a video store. I don’t even want to know how much she got for her birthday. Every time we go to the video store, I ask for nothing. It’s okay.
My sister outright admits she hates our parents. She only views them as pawns for money. Sometimes I wonder if she views me as that too. I’m the one who asks her to be nicer to them. I ask her to stop pawning money. I have to ASK her to go to them and hug them when they’re feeling down. Because my hugs aren’t good enough anymore. I practically raised her, and she views me as a mother figure. Yet she also has this attitude problem, and decides it’s okay not to apologize to me when she uses MY phone without first telling me one of my best friends calls me. This best friend usually only calls me when in cases of an emergency, and I was in the bath at the moment. I keep asking her to bring me the phone, and she outright ignores me. Finally I scream for it, and when I scold her, I get yelled at by mother who immediately flies to her rescue.
When I was being vocally and physically abused by our step father, Mother never came to my rescue then! But when Mother was abused, I had to step up for her, or she’d berate me. I’m so frustrated…
Sorry for the vent, I just really needed to get that off my shoulders before I screamed or something…
Ah the unfairness of it all. I hate my brother. I just downright HATE his guts, his very being. I knew even back then that he never loved me but just pretended to love his little sister to impress our dad. Right now we are not speaking with each other, he can’t even look me in the eye. He also disowned me as a blood sister. Well screw him. He’s about 2 decades older than I am so by the time I turn 40 he’ll be this old man and I’m going to taunt him and make him miserable just like he did me.
My sister is the favorite. At 9 years old, she has no chores, she talks back to my parents, lies compulsively, and gets just about whatever she wants. She’s always the one who can do nothing wrong, a real “golden child”.
Even though I am 18, I graduated with honors from high school, I’m paying my way through college (I got into my first choice, by the way), I stay out of my parents hair, I do almost all the chores in the house, attend church regularly on my own, and I have a part time job during the week, and yet my parents are never proud of me, they’re always slinging insults my way, and saying that I can’t make it. I bend over backwards for my family, my bratty sister included, and I get nothing in return.
It’s a good thing my school is 4 and a half hours away.