Does your spouse look at porn?

Does your spouse watch porn online or look at porn magazines? 
How do you feel about it?

(remember, at Anonymousmom.com when you respond, you do NOT have to leave your name, email or link to your blog… but if you want to – feel free)

 


 
   



83 thoughts on “Does your spouse look at porn?

  1. Anonymous

    My husband doesn’t have time to watch porn on line as he works 2 jobs….if he did though I’d be fine with it.

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  2. MK

    Mine does and I don’t necessarily like it but I think a lot of guys look at it. As long as mine does not stray emotionally or physically, I can deal with it.

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  3. peeking in

    Personally I look at antimated porn – drawings only. My husband looks at all porn and the only problem I have with that is that there is no way to tell who is doing it just for $$$ and who is doing it for fun. I know sex sells, but … I just have a problem with the whole industry when it involves real people. My issues do not have anything to do with whether or not he looks, just what he is inadvertantly supporting.

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  4. Anonymous

    You are all fooling yourselves if it is ok with you that your husband looks at porn. It is degrading to women (and men.) He cannot be unaffected by it, and it will cause problems. Seek help.

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  5. Anonymous

    I agree I think when men look at porn it gives them a false sense of what to expect from their sex life and in turn leaves them disappointed. They end up in bed with a tired partner who might at times really enjoy herself but at others just wants to get it over with so she can go to sleep. If the man doesn’t recieve the same exaggerated excitement that he sees in porn he is left feeling a need for something (someone) else. The women in those porn movies are ready to please and do anything even if its degrading, painful or harmful to their moral character. Men see this and expect it. It doesn’t teach them to live out their fantasies, it teaches them to demoralize and misuse women.

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  6. Amber Voight

    My hubby looked at porn before he became a born again christan, Porn is NOT something someone should look at, if theres something you wouldnt want to be doing if jesus was right besides you.. lol you shouldnt be doing it.

    The women in porn are real women.. someones sister,daughter,mom,wife….. I think if your getting off by it, in a way your cheating on your spouce.

    just my thoughts… :)

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  7. Anonymous

    Yes, my husband looks at porn and so do I. I really don’t have any issues with it b/c I know that he is to cheap to go out and pay for it when he gets it for free @ home.

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  8. Anonymous

    My husband looks at it. The women who say that their husbands don’t, well you are living in a fantasy world. They all do! Face it, men suck!

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  9. Anonymous

    Most husbands view pornography. It’s a universal addiction for men. They may think they have a “handle” on it or say they won’t do it again, but it is a serious addiction, like any other addiction, which releases dopamine in the brain and compels them to seek it more and more. Just as any other addiction, it is NOT good: particularly for a quality marriage relationship. Do the reasearch. Get your husband to fess up, if you don’t already know, and get PROFESSIONAL HELP. There is no hope of breaking this addiction unless it is treated seriously. If you accept it and do nothing deliberate withou setting firm boundaries, you will never have the relationship you deserve. Amazingly enough, you can restore the sweetness of your relationship, in time. I never would have believed during my “hell years” of working through it all. My husband has been “clean” for seven years now (we been married 18 years). He had counseling and through a lot of prayer and effort, it no longer has the addictive grip it once did. Just having me on board and not “in the dark” helps a lot. There is hope. We went from both wanting to commit suicide over this, to having a deeper love and commitment and better relationship than ever. Women have their weaknesses to overcome, and men have theirs. We can help each other be better than we were before if we try. That is one reason God wants us to marry. To learn and grow and become better, together. With God, all things are possible.

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  10. Anonymous

    Porn is not something to mess with…it’s only the beginning of a sex addiction. The flesh is never satisfied. It will always want more…eventually porn won’t be enough…where will that leave him? Seeking a prostitute? Going after children? You’re only fooling yourself if you think it’s not a problem. Where do you think it all starts? Yes, most men have problems with porn, but I would NOT encourage it and I would get him to get help. Have someone (other then you, the wife) to hold him accountable.

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  11. Anoneemousse

    My husband not only looks at porn, but according to his bank statements, he pays to go to certain sites. He’s more interested in looking at porn than he is in having sex with me. Not to say that he looks at porn when we could be having sex – but he certainly looks at porn more often than we have sex. I would think it’s me (and it might be) but we’ve never had a kickin’ sex life – not really. *sigh*

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  12. Anonymous

    yes he’s a man and I’ve watched it with him before to get an ideal of what the craze is all about. I’d much rather him get off to this at a descretion at home than to cheat of me cause we cant always find the time to be together. I works odd hours so its my break. I’m not in some denial we have a healthy sex life just not always on the same channel for that day. It doesnt bother me now if he was doing it besides me than yea Id be pissed off and he wouldnt hear the end of it but we have talked about it, shared in it and its no big deal to me. We used to go to adult shops before the youngsters came along so really its not a sleazy or secret topic for us just from the kids just they will never know about it.

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  13. stephanie

    WELL LETS JUST SAY I’D RATHER MY MAN LOOK AT PORN THAN CHEAT ON ME ANYDAY! IT’S ADULT ENTERTAINMENT SO SOMETIMES I WATCH WITH AND OTHER TIMES I DON’T.BUT THE LAST THING I WANT IS FOR HIM TO FEEL INSECURE ABOUT IT,IT’S OK I’M COOL WITH IT AND HE STILL THINKS I’M BEAUTIFUL WITHOUT ALL THE FAKE BOOBS AND SUCH. LOL LADIES RELAX THEY ARE MEN REMEMBER THAT.

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  14. D

    I guess I am in the minority, but I am a woman who enjoys porn. Occasionally my boyfriend and I watch it together – it gets us both in the mood. I am a 36 year old woman who was in a pretty much sexless marriage for 11 years which ended last year. I have recently discovered that I do have a sex drive!
    And it certainly wouldn’t bother me if my boyfriend watched it without me. Although I would rather be there to enjoy him!

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  15. s

    The question was does your spouse WATCH/READ porn, not is he ADDICTED to it…that’s two different things completely, like are you an alcoholic or just have a drink socially…my husband watches porn occasionally and I do too…I don’t think it’s bad at all…it’s not like we are cheating on each other and it definitely spices up the sex. Men are individuals too and you can’t tell them not to watch it…the more you restrict them, the more they want to. Again, this is all for the occasional watching…addiction is another story and then, yes, they do need to get help.

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  16. Anonymous

    Not everyone’s husband is a slimeball. Not all men look at porn thank you. I use to try and get mine to look at it and he wouldn’t because he believed that it degraded women – he was correct and I was the foolish one at the time.

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  17. Anonymous

    I thought my husband didn’t. I thought he didn’t like sex. That was until I found handprints on my headboard…and they weren’t from me. When I confronted him on it and saw that more than the two condoms from the box of 12 ( we’ve had for the past 9months…the age of our son) were missing, my stomach churned. Turns out he was/is addicted to porn and then prostitutes.

    The handprints were a hookers. In our bed. On my side. And it wasn’t the first time he’d brought one into our home. This is a man who was a Christian preacher. A man that when you’d look at him, you’d be amazed that he’d even know where to get a hooker, let alone use them. And he was using them for most of our marriage, starting a week before our first anniversary. It devastated me and our marriage has been smashed into pieces, beyond repair.

    Porn, the sex industry and prostitution is sadly a very real part of our society. I just never thought it would enter my life.

    If your husband is using porn and you’re not happy about it, you need to address the situation. maybe he has a better handle on it than mine did but maybe not. And a word of warning: If you’re husband isn’t having sex with you, he’s having sex with someone. Fact.

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  18. Anonymous

    I feel as long as you have open communication between each other, I don’t see a problem with it. I did when we were first married.. many moons ago. But, after many discussions, I’ve learned it’s just a way to release his pent up sperm. He’s visual, and it gets the job done very quickly. Sometimes with life as crazy as it is… with kids, work, and many responsibilities… I can’t be there for him at every waking moment. He describes it as a “daily regimen” such as brushing your teeth, taking a dump and combing your hair. LOL!!!

    If it turned into something more, and I saw signs of addiction… I’d communicate those issues and help him.

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  19. Anonymous

    ALL men look at porn. Yahoo! reported that 12% of the internet searches are for porn. If you think half the people are men, that means about 25% of all men online are looking at it. There’s nothing we can do about it. That’s the way they are. As long as my husband is just looking, I’m okay with it.

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  20. Anonymous

    I agree with you anonymous from NOV 16 “ALL men look at porn.” It used to bother me before, now I can honestly say it doesn’t bother me AT ALL except when he gets viruses in the computer, those free porn sites are full of viruses.

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  21. Anonymous

    I can guarantee that not all men look at porn. We should all at least be speaking for ourselves in this forum, not generalizing something that we believe to be true just because it’s a reality for us. It’s kind of a cop-out answer– “mine does it, so everyone’s must.” Even if all of your friends do it, that doesn’t mean that there is not a HUGE population of men and women out there (who may or may not be in your circle of influence) who choose to be clean and faithful to their spouses, and withhold from any sexual relations outside of marriage– pornography or otherwise.

    My husband has made a conscious effort from the time he was a young man not to participate in the pornography industry in any way, and our family and my marriage has been blessed for it. Just throwing it out there that there are two sides of the issue, as opposed to what has been represented thus far.

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  22. Anonymous

    Yes..,,he did so much that it was one of the major reasons for our divorce. It’s funny though because myspace was even his “porn”…he’d look up 18-something yr old girls with the attributes that he was into…and went from there…I caught him so many times that well..he’s no longere my spouse. sick bastard.

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  23. lynn

    I have been married for 17 yrs. Just lately I’ve been dealing with my husband looking at porn. lately i mean the past 3years. I’ve confrunted him talked w him 3 times now.I told him that this is the last time. I’ve tryed every thing to sending the kids away for the weekened so we can go way to forgive forget and move on and to not let this happen again. it did and again we talked I fixed the so called problem that we were having.And again it happened but this is what i found.Bra,panties and, stockings. Found out the problem and tried to deal with it. still in the can’t forgive stage. Now he’s acting like he is on the porn again. Let it go for awhile trying not to look and see if my susptions were correct. we’ll I finale looked. he is again. Please help me I don’t know what to do any more.Is this fair that i ask him to stop the stuff he says that he will. he just disrespect me. I fell lost and alone.Scared,afraid,angry.hatefull is it okay to go on?

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  24. Anonymous

    My husband looks at porn and I feel like he is cheating on me because our sex life is non-existent. He loves me, cuddles, is a great father to our kids and I know he will not cheat on me with another “real” woman, but we have sex oh… once every 6 months maybe? I stopped trying to get him interested. And then I went on his computer to look at a document I was working on (legit, wasn’t spying or anything) and when I clicked on the Recent Items link to find my paper, what showed up was all porn, pretty hardcore, 3-way stuff. I was so hurt by it. I feel like he’s rejecting me but getting off on that. It would be different if this was his way of getting hot for us, but no…

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  25. Anonymous

    yes he did i would get up at night and see him on the computer and tell hem to come to bed. one day while i was looking for a web site in the computers history i seen all these nasty sites he was on every night all the time so i put parental control softer were on my computer. lucky he not that great with computers.

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  26. Anon

    I was so happy when I found this website. A place where women could speak their mind about the realest of topics without the fear of being judged. And then I read the answers to some of this thread with the ‘if you think X, then you are Y and Z’ and the ‘Seek helps’… Im disappointed.

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  27. keepinitreal

    if a man looks a porn he is using it to obtain some sort of desire. i believe it does give a false sense of what everyone woman is willing to do. i’ve talked to many male friends that are in relationships and/or marriages and they have confessed that when they look at porn it creates the perfect fantasy for him when he’s in bed with his wife who he’s been having sex with for years. when they close their eyes or are in the dark with you, they feel you but visualize in their mind the other woman. it helps them stay stimulated. in essence it’s mentally cheating. some woman are okay with it, others like myself believe it’s a gateway to additional cheating. men don’t always have to pay for sex. there are plenty of freaky women who will give it to a married man for free. that’s part of the excitement they obtain.

    so for those of you who don’t mind…. do you mind if you are out at the mall with your kids and your man and he turns his head to look at a younger woman in passing? i’m sure later when you get home and give it up, he’s got that hot chick on his mind, not you.

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  28. 'reality check'

    Recently, I became aware that my dh was “indulging” in youtube videos. While youtube on the surface isn’t a bad site, it does offer “adult” videos with free membership. These videos are relatively “mild” in the adult video world (compared to what is truly “adult.” But I found that my feelings were hurt and I felt betrayed. When I asked him why he did this, he really didn’t have any particular reason. Maybe a combination of several things? I don’t know his reasons. The point is, he WAS being unfaithful to me. Maybe not physically, but he was emotionally. His thoughts were certainly not on me when he was viewing these other females, how could they be?
    I made a point to do a little research into the the male world of “looking” to see what I could find out regarding the way a man is “wired” and I finally (after how many years?) realized that men are wired to “view” and appreciate sights, while women (most) are touchy/feely oriented. While I knew this, I guess it never really sunk in until now. However, I don’t believe that God intended for a married couple to “view” other people in various stages of dress or undress. Marriage is intended for monogamy, unconditional love, and true intimacy. True intimacy can’t happen if you’re in bed with your husband wondering who’s body he’s thinking of today. How can you really enjoy making love and being intimate with him if he’s not into you? True monogamy isn’t there if he’s having an emotional affair with the girls on the video, and unconditional love is when he loves you (and you him) through the good, bad, and the ugly stages of your lives together.
    I don’t say this in judgment of what everyone else may have said here (I didn’t read all comments), but I say this out of concern for the many, many wives (and husbands) out there who have been or are being hurt by this thing called porn.
    As for my “reality check” in my marriage, I have chosen to forgive him, and in return he has asked me to “check in” with him every now & then and help him be accountable to our marriage. So, about once a week or so, I’ll ask him “how it’s going?” and he’ll tell me if he’s having a good week or not. Honesty and communication are so important in marriage.
    God bless!

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  29. peaking in

    Mine does and tries to hide it. I’ve caught him and now monitor his PC use. So far, he hasn’t hit anymore sites. It’s emotional betrayal and emotional cheating. It’s not okay with me.

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  30. Anonymous

    I’m writing this to the younger women. When I was younger (late 20s/early 30s), it really upset me. I felt like he was cheating on me, and boy, would we have fights when I found his hidden DVDs. (This was before the internet had completely infiltrated our lives.) Now I’m in my early 40s, and I honestly no longer care. Actually, sometimes I’ll watch it with him (my idea) to spice things up. Not a lot, two or three times a year. I realize most men (okay I think all men) watch it, but I know there are some women out there who think their husbands do not. Personally, I think that is completely naive. As long as it not a serious addiction, you shouldn’t worry that much about it.

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  31. ladychanel

    My husband looks at porn as well. I have caught him in the past before and he got very defensive about it. I don’t like it, and he knows it. I have known that in the past he looked at print material, but now that the internet has invaded every aspect of our lives, I know he looks at it online as well. I HATE it, and the way it makes me feel. I have told him in the past that I do not like it, and yet he does it anyway. I guess he feels I am overreacting. I recently found him on a social networking site, and now I feel like he is talking to other women and trading pictures with them. We have had fights about this in the past, and I am sure we will have more. It makes me feel like I am not good enough for him anymore and that I can’t compete with the other women he sees online. I know some men (and women) think it isn’t cheating, but I disagree. It has caused problems, and now I feel like i can’t trust him.

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  32. notlikingporn

    Some months ago i found a few porn cd’s in the bathroom. i wasn’t looking for anything – i was just cleaning up clutter. the other month, when i found that one was moved recenlty – and i was home, i confronted my husband about it (just asking him what was up?) and he said that he was ‘not in love with me’ for some time now BUT still loves me. he wanted to tell me YEARS ago that he wanted out – but didn’t want to hurt me. i don’t know when he got ‘hooked’ on it – but then i actually caught him masterbating! again, i was home! what is the problem?

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  33. reality check

    ladychanel…i completely agree with you…it IS cheating and it DOES make you feel inadequate (you really can’t compete with those women in the pics/online). Hope you two can work this out! Good luck in your marriage!

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  34. Anonymous

    My husband looks at porn ALOT. He doesn’t think I know, but I do. He has a laptop for work and that is where he looks at it. Apparantly, his employer does not care. Either that, or because he is a partner, they don’t say anything about it. It is very annoying and sometimes I wonder if he is addicted.

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  35. Anonymous

    Ladies! Ladies! Ladies! listen to yourselves, why are we creating excuses for immoral behavior. Yes it is true that men will have the urge to watch porn, but it is high time they practiced some self control. If the women today continue to allow their men to watch porn, it will only worsen the problem. They might even get our sons to join them, I say its a high time the men practiced some self control and vent their steam in other ways.

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  36. Anonymous

    I know that mine does. I do too! We don’t watch together cause it is weird for him. I can always tell when he has been on the computer looking cause he is ready to go and I love it.

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  37. Anonmous

    Porn has ruined my relationship. What reality lies in watching others have sex? What’s better – feeling the actualbody of another or listening to the groans and moans of people on a screen?
    Before we had access to unlimited internet and porn – we had a great sexual life… now he finds solice in it. We used to enjoy the casual night of watching a porno flick and we both enjoyed it… but now it seems more like he doesn’t feel the same for me and avoids sex all together. It scares me because I have been cheated on before by others and he has been caught (about to stray) sex-testing with my (old) friend. I want to trust that he isn’t doing it again, but with the added porn and less sex – it makes me wonder.
    Porn is a great way to share thoughts and get new ideas for people who are open-minded, but it can be disasterous when someone hides their ‘secret’ and emotionally and physiacally starts to cut off the relationship – because porn will always be there!

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  38. Anonymous

    I’m really tired of hearing that men are just wired that way, they need to “unload” somehow when they’re woman are away, tired, or busy. I think that is BS. How many times may a woman want it and her husband doesn’t?? I personally am not going to relieve myself by watching videos, pics, etc… I love my husband and am completely satisfied by the thought of him, the things he’s done to me and what I’ve done to him. I too have stumbled on the fact that my hubby has been looking, the first time I was livid and told him to never touch me again, our relationship was over!! Then, like a month ago I found that he was back at it, behind my back. I just a couple days ago asked for a seperation but he doesn’t want that. I’m trying to make it work, won’t let him see me naked, or touch me, I don’t smile or laugh anymore. After losing the trust, and feeling betrayed and hurt, I feel like I’ve lost my love for him and don’t know how, or if I want to try and regain it. I thought we had the best marriage in the world, we were so into eachother, my heart dropped when I found it the last time, especially when I told him before I didn’t want to stay in the marriage if he wanted that in his life, how much could he really care?? I feel it is immoral, and a form of cheating and I think it’s a cop out to say men ‘NEED’ it, and it’s okay because they’re men, so because they’re men they don’t need to have moral values in their life or show respect for their wives?? I think I would prefer to stay single the rest of my life than be with a man who makes me feel like I’m not enough. And to read all the time that woman who are against it are just insecure makes me really angry, I’m NOT insecure, I just have moral standards that I guess a lot of people in todays world do not.

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  39. Kerri

    My husband and I have only been married for two years. Our relationship began as a fairy tale. I thought he was the only man in the world. we were both in previous marriages (unhappily). Then, we met each other and felt that life was complete. Right before we were married, I found some soft porn on his computer. He assured me that it wasn’t a common occurance and that a friend had sent it to him in email. I believed him when he said there wasn’t a problem. On January 17, 2009 my world came crashing down around me. I found that he had installed a software of some sort on our computer to erase his history each time the browser was closed. He of course, lied and said that he didn’t put it on there. Lie #1. Lie #2: He said he did put it on there but it was because he knew I didn’t like him getting on the internet to look at anything. That’s pretty much the truth, because I know the kinds of filth on the internet. Anywhere! Lie #3: Ok, I did look at some of those sites just out of curiosity. Lie #4: No, I never masturbated to them. Lie #5: It’ll never happen again. I am so hurt and so confused. I have lost my own confidence as a woman because of this. I am am an attractive woman, but like one of the other posters said…I find it hard to even get undressed in front of him now. I even lowered myself by telling him that if he felt the need to do this, to include me. He was agreeable to that. I went and got videos for us to watch together. It is very erotic. I’ll admit that, but when you belong to God, you know what is good and what is evil. The pornography, for me, was the apple off the tree in Eden. I ate of it. But, just like Adam and Eve, I realize it’s not something that a Christian should do. I am sorry that I ever did. Now, because of the pornography, my husband and I have never been farther apart. We are considering divorce. I don’t want this, but don’t know if I can ever feel that my husband wants me and not those 105 lb. bags of trash he sees on the internet. My self-esteem is at rock bottom. He doesn’t see this as a big deal…although this has been two months ago…and I still cry just about every day.

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  40. Deb

    Kerri, I sympathize with you. I posted a comment right before you. Today I start counseling. I to feel like divorce is likely, but don’t want it to come to that. My relationship also felt like a fairy tale, he treated me like a queen, that made it twice as hard to stumble across his secret “excitement”. I look at him and do not see the same man I married, I am so lost, sad, betrayed. I do not feel like I can ever forgive him. I feel like he took something from me, there is an emptiness I can’t explain. He doesn’t understand the magnitude of what this has done to me. I miss the happy way that we were, I miss cuddling next to him, holding his hand, all the little things that were just us; I now can’t hardly even look at him. I have a hard time believing anything he says, regardless of what it is. I’m always wondering whats really in his mind, the mind of the man I once thought I knew, who now is a stranger. I’m not sure where you live, but I left my email address if you’d like to communicate, talking to someone who feels the same way is helpful. Take care.

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  41. Kerri

    Deb, I looked for your email address, but couldn’t find it. I would be glad to talk to you. I hate what you and I both are going thru. My email address is kellis08@bellsouth.net. Please email me. I promise I will respond.

    Kerri

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  42. K

    I feel like so many people leaving comments here live in another world from me. I’m not sure what the issues are with pornography really. I watch porn a couple nights a week average myself, but my husband does not. He says it is just not his thing. I watch it because my husband has a lower sex drive than I do, and sometimes doesn’t want to be intimate, even though I am feeling red hot. Also he is not a very passionate lover and has no desire to please me in bed. I think it is great that I can please myself with porn, and my husband is pleased because I am not pushing him to be intimate or resenting him because I go unsatisfied. I don’t see how this is a problem. I could see how people could become addicted to it, like any other activity, but that is not because it is specifically porn. People can take anything to an extreme and loose track of their lives. So, there’s my take. Thanks!

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  43. Anonymous

    My husband USE to look at porn. I thought it was okay until I had to face the fact that without it he no longer is interested in a physical relationship with me. I am attractive 5’6″ 120 lbs. take care of my physical appearance, etc. But now -no more porn- there has been NO “action” for more than two years. So I have to believe he was with someone else ,in his mind ,not with me. If that isn’t degrading to have to realize, I don’t know what is. Good luck to all you women that husbands convince them that porn is okay!! Hope you do not end up broken hearted like me.

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  44. Anonymous

    Wow! I thought the purpose of this site was for women to express themselves without being judged.
    I imagine the creators of this site intended it to be that way; but judging by this thread, people are leaving responses to other women’s attempts at being honest and truly letting themselves be heard.
    I am the one who looks at porn at our house. I like to look at it on the internet, I’ve purchased videos and DVD’s via mail order catalogs, or I like to read erotica (either online or from some of the books I’ve purchased). I find that porn helps my sex drive. I need that sometimes because like a lot of women, when I go to bed, usually I just want to get to sleep.
    My husband (of 16 years) doesn’t even go on the computer at all, ever. If he does look at porn, he must have a stash I don’t know about. I have asked if he wanted me to buy him a subscription to any men’s magazines that focus on porn, and he never wanted to.
    I think sex is awesome, and I can have as much or as little as I choose to with my husband. It’s up to me. When he initiates sex, I usually don’t say no unless I’m really not feeling well.
    I feel fortunate that we have that type of sex life together.

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  45. Anonymous

    Men are visual creatures by nature, thus their attraction to porn. I’d prefer if he didn’t look at it, but I know he still does on occasion (maybe once a week, I’m good at computers so I can tell). And to be honest, I will look at it on occasion as well though I try not to because of my religious beliefs and morals. But I’ve not always resisted that temptation myself. I just want to make sure if he’s watching it that I’m reaping the benefits (more sex!!). Because honestly, we don’t have sex as often as I’d like (maybe once a week, sometimes less). I know I’m in the minority since I’m someone who NEVER says no (why give up the opportunity to share intimacy and enjoyment – I love sex). I think I’ve said no literally 3 times in the past 17 years and it was truly because I was sick.

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  46. Anonymous

    My husband does a little, and so do I. I find that it helps me with my low sex drive. We had some problems in our marriage due to my low sex drive but porn and erotica have helped me. I know that it can hurt some peoples feelings or make them feel disrespected but since neither my husband nor I feel that way it works for us. Sometimes we even watch it together for ideas, but he knows some of the acrobatics can be too much for us to try. It’s also fun to laugh at sometimes.

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  47. Anonymous

    Maybe I’m in the minority but it does not bother me that my husband watches porn. I really do think that we are wired differently and my husband is definitely more visual than I am and also has a stronger libido than I do. But we are open about it. I’ve never been one to get upset about porn movies or magazines. The only time I felt insecure about it was when I was pregnant but other than that it’s never bothered me. I don’t consider looking a porn cheating; I’ve watched with him sometimes and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it if you are honest with your spouse.

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  48. Anonymous

    Anonymous on October 19, 2008 at 5:11pm writes: “If the man doesn’t recieve the same exaggerated excitement that he sees in porn he is left feeling a need for something (someone) else.”

    It’s the opposite for me: I see these guys lasting 15-20 minutes (sometimes longer), doing all these different positions, and really giving it their all and I expect that from my hubby. Well, at least half of the time. I get that almost never and it’s discouraging.

    Reply
  49. The Muse

    I have read through every single posting here and with the exception of a few, the majority of posters take issue with their significant other (S.O.) “using” porn. While this small sampling is certainly not enough to conclude anything concrete about the effects of porn on a monogamous relationship, it gives me a sense of relief that I am not alone in my struggles with my S.O.’s porn use. Unlike those of you who state that porn helps your S.O. with his sexual performance, or porn increases your own libido, or your S.O. uses it because you don’t crave sex as often as he does, my situation is different.

    My S.O. was brutally, sexually abused by a male neighbor when he was a young boy. As a result, he has trouble being emotionally vulnerable with anyone. He claims that looking at porn, masturbating to porn, and otherwise being alone sexually, helps “regulate” him sexually. He further states that using porn is a way for him to detach emotionally and be “selfish” sexually. He states that sexual intercourse with me (or a real live person) takes considerable effort since he has to be emotional and connect with that someone (me).

    I have sympathy for him because I was molested by my father as a young girl. Upon considerable research into both my type of abuse and his I have found that the survivor’s responses are inherently different. Boys who have been molested by men tend to feel a loss of power and strength and often question their sexual orientation (an overwhelming majority identify as homosexual as adults). They struggle with intimacy and have trust issues. On the other hand, girls who have been molested by men, particularly their own fathers, tend to be very sexual as adults (an overwhelming amount experiment with their orientation and eventually identify as heterosexual or bisexual). Sadly, many girls protect their fathers and feel love for them, because if they didn’t, they would feel alone and cut off (unfortunately, many of the mother figures in these situations have rejected their daughter or blame them).

    How does this translate into our sexual relationship? Well, for me I find an extreme emotional connection in sex. It was, after all, the method I received love as a child. Because of this, I have learned to “shut off” during sex in casual encounters as a means to protect myself from getting emotionally attached to the wrong person. My S.O. is an exception to this because I have found security in our relationship and have thus opened myself up emotionally to him. Unfortunately, he has a much harder time opening up. While I describe emotional connection during sex as a switch, needing only one flick for on or off, he describes it as “faulty wiring”, sometimes the wire connects and sometimes it shorts out. He feels that he has no control over when it will work and when it will short out. When he is stressed out or overwhelmed by life, his wiring tends to short out. This is when he is compelled to use porn. According to him, porn soothes him and makes him feel like a normal, heterosexual man again. It reassures him that he is okay. This is what he has been using for the last six years to regulate himself. He has admitted that he realizes it is maladaptive, but like the alcoholic that has learned to soothe himself with a numbing drink when emotions seem overwhelming, porn is an automatic behavioral response for him. It is something he has to unlearn, while finding something else to replace it.

    Meanwhile, when life is stressful and overwhelming for me, my automatic behavioral response is to have sex with someone. Sex is a great stress reliever, and when done with someone I have an emotional connection with, it provides me with the security of knowing I am not alone and that someone is there for me. I feel in a lot of ways that my response is the more socially accepted response, maybe even the “reason” human beings have recreational sex (and not sex purely for procreation). It is a means of connecting and being close to your S.O., closeness only a monogamous couple can obtain. My S.O. believes my high sex drive is maladaptive to an extent and that I look for connection only through sex and not other means (like talking). He believes that my insecurity (something I don’t deny) causes me to seek external approval; sex equates that I am beautiful, sexy and ultimately desirable.

    I felt relieved when I read that some of the posters on here feel less desirable when their S.O.’s look at porn or don’t engage in sex as often as they’d like them to. I feel a connection with the women on here, in that this reaction is quite possibly a female response. I know I run the risk of fallacy stating as much, so I add that each woman is an individual and this might not ring true for all women. In fact, I whole-heartedly believe that some women don’t feel this response at all. I don’t agree with the conclusion that this means that these women are “fooling” themselves, although it is probable that that could be the case for some.

    Furthermore, I seek to find women who are exploring porn use and its effects from a NON-RELIGIOUS standpoint. I take issue with the sweeping generalization that porn is bad because God says so. I don’t wish to explore this topic with the intention of labeling porn as good or bad or otherwise. I tend to lean toward the opinion that when porn gets in the way of emotionally or physically connecting with your S.O. then it is negatively affecting the relationship and steps to reverse that need to be taken. For me, I feel rejected when my S.O. doesn’t want to be intimate, but turns around and uses porn. Intellectually I understand that he is having trouble connecting and wishes to regulate himself, but emotionally I feel neglected and left to de-stress myself alone. It is an issue that we are still struggling with, and probably will struggle with for a long time. It both angers and saddens me when my S.O. uses porn knowing full well how much it hurts me. However, I know that he doesn’t do it with the intention to hurt me and that I have my own issues to work out. In the interim, my only solace is knowing that we can progress as long as both of us are invested in this relationship. My fear is that one day either one of us, or both of us, are going to give up trying to work on this and we end up throwing in the towel.

    The Muse.
    (Feel free to contact me at: musingsofamusedmuse@yahoo.com)

    Reply
  50. Very hurt.

    I was always very sexually active, and very open sexually. When I first started dating my spouse 10 years ago, he would get up in the morning and jerk off – despite me telling him he could just roll over and stick it in. I never cared when any of my ex’s looked at porn, heck half the time I was right there with them. I have never been able to say no to sex, even when I didn’t want it, and I have always been open to any kind of sex. For years my spouse would jerk off instead of having sex with me. It has so devistated me. My self-esteem is non existant because of it, and I was always a very attrative girl. He would lie to me about it, cover his tracks. And I woul;dn’t have minded if he took care of my needs. We would have sex once every 1-2 months – this was hard for me who liked sex 5 times a day. But he was jerking off instead of having sex with me. Then when we would have sex, he would get off and I wouldn’t. Then I’d have to wait until he was in the mood again and hope that this time I would get off. Since he quit smoking his libido has gone up to once every few weeks. It’s been two years since I last caught him jerking off, but I’ve quit bothering to look, I can’t take the pain and rejection anymore. He feels he is damned if he does and damned if he doesn’t because he feels I’m not getting over it. I just want to feel loved by the man I love. And I hate him. I have dreams of screaming at him for it. There is so much anger and hurt within me. What is worse is that I feel guilt over it. It’s his body he can do what he wants with it – and I never had a problem with porn with any ex. I’ve offered to jerk off together, he’s not interested. I’ve tried to get him to understand that he could try to get me off manually after he’s gotten off, but he has never tried. I just can’t take it. I don’t know what to do. And through it all our son sees me as the emotional one, but I can never explain to him what his father has done to me, so any problems we have look like they are because of me. How do I explain it to our 5 year old? Mom isn’t a freak, daddy just hurts and rejects her. I hate my life. By the time he finally innitiates sex with me I just so want to push him away, but at the same time I so crave the physical attention. I just don’t know. He knows it hurts me. He does it anyway. I know he doesn’t do it to hurt me, but that is still the end result. I still have dreams…
    In my dream I wake up to find the computer on with Mike gone for work, however he has left his IM open.
    I go to shut down his IM only to find a girl is sending him a naughty message as I’ve already hit the sign out button.
    I call him at work from the computer room phone.
    I ask him about jerking off again.
    He plays stupid.
    I tell him about the IM, that I know he is lying to me.
    Again.
    I start screaming at him.
    I tell him not to come home.
    He is busy talking to someone else, work related, who is there in his office with him.
    I continue to scream, and cry, and just feel…so much.
    I push over the bookshelf and start hitting things with the computer chair.
    Helpless, frustrated, angry, hurt.
    He says to me: stop beating things up, I’m not there.
    I continue to scream at him, losing my voice, my chest and throat hurting from all my yelling.
    He continues to talk to who ever is in the room with him, which just frustrates and hurts me more.
    Then I am in the kitchen.
    I tell him again, do not come home.
    He continues to talk work to who is in the room with him.
    I scream at him asking him if he heard me.
    He said yes.
    I slam down the phone.
    My son is there with me on the kitchen floor.
    And I know that all he hears is mommy telling daddy not to come home.
    And I know he doesn’t understand.
    And he’s hurt.
    And he blames mommy for daddy not being there, for daddy not coming home.
    He sees me over-emotional, and being a freak, and telling his daddy to go away…
    And I can’t explain it to him.
    I can’t explain to him that daddy has hurt me.
    That daddy has hurt me so many times.

    And then I wake up and have to kiss Mike good bye.
    And I can’t even look him in the eye.
    And I don’t want to kiss him.
    All over a stupid dream.
    A stupid dream that was my life so often, for so long.

    It has been two years since we’ve really had any issues like that, and it still eats away at my subconscious.
    On days like today I hate him.
    And I hurt.

    Reply
  51. Annonymous09

    Well, my husband looks at porn every now and again and it really makes me upset and hate him and cause me to have headaches and for us to have arguments. Personally, I think pornography is degrading and a lowly form of entertainment. It ruins marriages and once stable relationships. I think the women who appear in it have no self respect or self worth, they are sluts , whores, some drug addicts and let me not forget to mention disease filled.

    I said to my perv of a husband cause thats what I call him when I discover he’s been watching porn is that he’s sick and to me a sexual deviant. Obviously I much rather he watches porn than cheat on me, but then , at the end of the day, I despise pornography just the same and would much rather he was a smoker than watch porn. We also have a son and I’ve made it clear that I can’t see him as a role model to our son if he insists on watching filth / garbage. B/c of his watching this rubbish he wants for me to engage in anal sex which I have to admit I tried , just for his sake but hated it and made it clear to him I have no interest in doing it again. Well of course he was not pleased and before I know it he’s downloading pornography when next I awake from my slumber and go to use the computer.

    I’m a jealous person and while he cant physically touch or what not the individual he sees on screen I think its a perverse habit. When I consider all I do to make him happy and to make our marriage work, I stop in my tracks and say to myself f*** it. Why should I waste my time and energy on him if he disregards my feelings ? I mean really now am I a big mug ?

    Truthfully I do believe pornography is an addiction , some men have it much worse than others. But if he keeps going back to see it even if its ocassional well its a minor addiction isn’t it. I’m considering to install a s/w to block it b/c I’ve just about had enough of the agro. Some wives say oh you are overreacting yadda yadda yadda and that with time I’ll live with it. But guess what each and everyone of us have our breaking point.

    I read where one wife divorced her husband because of him playing world of warcraft. Now my husband does it, but I don’t mind, well not anymore. The way I view it I much rather he’s home with me under my nose than be out getting in trouble with the lads or doing something else. As long as it doesn’t interfere with our family life I’m fine really. But where porn is concerned I’m yet to see if I’ll ever have the same nonchalant attitude. Porn sucks and I curse the people who make it and those who profit from it.

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  52. Denise

    My ex-husband of 2 weeks looks at porn ALL THE TIME. I think it is very degrading to women. I personally think that this destroyed my marriage of 20 years. He got so dependent on watching the porn that he found it very hard to be able to have sex or even get it up with me. By the way he was the one that filed.

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  53. Noyara

    I would not mind if he watched with me, but he doesn’t he tries to hide the fact, that he watches porn, I confronted him with the issue, and his response to me, was that yes he is married, but he is not dead… every time I discover that he has been watching that kind of material, I can’t help but get upset…specially if he did it while I was home, waiting for him to get in bed with me… sometimes, when we are been intimate, I start wondering if he is thinking of all the woman he sees on line, so I can’t enjoy my self, and I get angry, I don’t say a word, about it, I just let him finish… I hate that feeling!

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  54. E.C.A-R.

    Yes, my husband (2nd husband)does look at porn-not obsessivly , but yes he does.And my 1st. husband did as well- but hid it and was very upset at me finding out (I wasnt angry when I found it & asked him about it, just concerned at the fact he thought he had to hide it and his reaction at me finding it). Most men I think do or have at some point, weather hidden or openly looked at. It doesnt bother me and at times we’ve viewed movies privatly together.

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  55. Mandy

    I have a question that maybe someone out there can help me with. My husband and I have had our share of fights over this very thing. I don’t understand why he would even want to look at these sites when we have a more then healthy relationship and I am up for anything he might want to try as long as it doesn’t cause me pain in any way. We just recently hooked up our internet about a week or so ago. We have done really good so far but the other night he asked me if we could get on some sites since the kids were asleep. I said ok because I didn’t want this to mean that if I said no that he would go on there with out me other times. I know this sounds crazy but that was my thought process. Well I find myself wanting to look at these sites and feel like I need to hide it from my husband. I feel like such a hypocrite. I think he has gone on a site or two with out me and I guess for now I feel that we are ok for now. I’m going to talk to him about this as I feel like I am being untruthful to him. The internet isn’t making these sites to hard to get view. It seems like every site has a link of some kind to chat or go view women. Anyway I feel bad and I hope that once I talk to my husband we will be ok with each other and not feel the need to sneak around on the internet. Is there a way to creat a block on these sites that even if we wanted to we couldn’t unblock? I wish there was!

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  56. Anonymous

    BEING THE GOD FEARING WOMEN I AM I’VE WENT THROUGH SO MANY PHASES ABOUT MY HUSBAND LOOKING AT PORN. 1ST IT WUZ HE WUZ DOING IT BE4 WE MET. 2ND I USE 2 WATCH IT WITH HIM (PEOPLE PLEASING) 3RD I STARTED FEELING JEALOUS, INSECURE, & ANGRY 4TH I GOT SOME ACEPTANCE & BEGAN 2 PRAY 4 HIM 5TH I MADE HIM AWARE OF MY FEELINGS, THINKING, & MY OPINION.6TH I CAN’T TRUSTHIM WITH KIDS IN N THE HOUSE. SO NOW WE R PRETTY MUCH LIVE LIKE ROOMATES, AFTER BEING 2GETHER 4 YEARS IT HURTS, HOWEVER I’M JUST PRAYING NOT JUST 4 HIM BUT 4 ME, CAUSE THE WHOLE THING IS JUST STARTING 2 GROSE ME OUT. IT NOT SO MUCH WHAT HE ALLOWS ME SEE THAT SCARES ME, IT WHEN I’M SLEEP & GONE THAT TERRIFIES ME, BUT I HAVE 2 SLEEP & TAKE CARE OF MYSELF. SO THE RESULT WILL BE SATAN’S VICTORY, REJOICING 4 ANOTHER MARRIAGE IS OFFICIALLY OVER WITHOUT THE PAPER 2 SAY SO.PLEASE PRAY 4 THEM ALL, MALE & FEMALE, THEY R HURTING ALOT OF PEOPLE, MOSTOF ALL THEMSELVES ! (ONE SAD LONELY, YET OPTOMISTIC HOUSEWIFE)

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  57. Anonymous

    I’ll be the “odd man out” here and say that my husband looks at porn and it does not bother me. I will say that the only time it ever bothered me was when I was pregnant because I never felt sexy or attractive once I started to show and felt I couldn’t compete with the women he was watching in porns. Once I got my “almost old body” back it didn’t bother me and it still doesn’t. We’ve been together for over 20 years and I wouldn’t be telling the truth if I said I didn’t need something like porn to bring the excitement back once in a while. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with watching porn; to me it just isn’t cheating to look at another naked person.

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  58. Anonymous

    My conscious says is not right `cuz of the reasons a lady above gave, that about the ladies who are in the porno are women who might been force to do it, you know that business could be dangerous… I do like watching porno but not crude porno but I don`t enjoy it because of that angel in your head telling you is not correct. I always wish that those ladies are really liking what they are doing (showoff of their nice body) or there is nothing wrong behind the scenario… AH! my husband might watch porno but not constantly. Is like that old Chinese story about a man who with his eyes covered was told to touch an elephant. He touch the body, then a leg and finally the nose and he thought it was a wall, a pillar and a hose. He couldn`t have the whole picture of the situation that`s why he couldn`t guess what was it.

    Reply
  59. peeking in

    I posted on Oct 15 2008. At the time I read the posts about how it leads to addiction and thought, “Only for some.” I was sooooo wrong!!! My husband is so involved he gets up at 4am just so he can surf porn sites and play with himself. This of course has caused HUGE problems in our marriage. The main one being that I allowed myself to go alone with it and view it also, even though I knew it was wrong deep down in my heart. (see my previous post) Porn is only a gateway, if you think it’s wrong put your foot down and do not allow it into your home, IN ANY FORM. It is only a matter of time before it controlls you & your spouse.
    Yes sex sells, but only because we are buying.

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  60. Anonymous

    I ”thought” my hubby only looked at porn once or twice a month. I didn’t see a problem with it either…untill my world came crashing down.
    Turns out he looks at it 2-4 times a week…which lead into cam girls, which lead into escort ads, which eventually lead into his seeing hookers in person. We are in our late twenties, with a healthy sex life, so imagine my surprise upon discovery. I no longer think of porn as ”normal”. Sure, i don’t see a problem with it if used responsibly, but if there using it every week, you might want to question what else is going on. I never in a million yrs would have beleived my hubby woould do anything like this. There is a good test to see if your man uses it on occasion, or if there is a more serious problem. Tell him you want to expeirment, and get really excited with each other, and ask him to stop for one month. If he can go a month without looking, your good to go…. but if a week into your deal he is sneaking around and lying about his use…WATCH OUT! I am amazed at the length my hubby went to to hide his habit. I feel so stupid now for being so trusting.

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  61. Anonymous

    my husband looks at it daily. he doesn’t know that i can go into cookies to see what he’s been looking at. i started checking when i walked in on him one day jerking off to the porn on the computer. i tell him all the time that it makes me feel terrible that he looks at it so much and makes me feel like i don’t turn him on enough. i’ll even be in bed at night waiting for him to come to bed to find that he was in the other room looking at porn. i have got him to stop for a week or so and our relationship seems a ton better over that time. i can always tell when he starts looking at it a lot again because he gets very edgy and angers easily. does anyone know if masterbating daily can cause a man to be more aggressive and moody. you’d think since he was making himself “happy” he’d be in a good mood.

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  62. Anonymous

    Mine used to before when we first started Dating but I asked him to stop and let him know how would he feel if I was looking at naked guy’s online so he stopped and I think its been best for both of us ever since then.

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  63. Anonymous

    Yes, My husband looks at porn and frankly I think all men do. It’s annoying to me because, as we all know, guys are visual… so while he is not cheating he is titilated (sp?). Anyway, I’ve decided once a year its a good idea to go with my girlfriends on a fun weekend and dance/flirt with guys. That is titilating to me (while porn isn’t), so then we are even. He can have his porn, I can have my one time a year flirt/attention (no cheating involved). Also, I flashed my boobs on a dare so that also evens the score. It’s nice not to have to hold onto any resentments about porn :)

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  64. Anonymous

    My man looks at those lustcam sites whenever he’s on his computer at home. Then he closes the window when I walk into the room. He’s an I.T. guy, so he thinks I can’t figure it out. It used to bother me alot, but it doesn’t so much anymore. Mainly because I realize that men are visual, and that it has nothing to do with the woman that I am. It used to make me very insecure, now it just makes me a little insecure. I stopped checking on him so much, that way I don’t get hurt by his activities. I realize that no matter how much I may complain, he’s going to keep doing it. He’ll just go underground with it. So I leave him alone. And maintain my own sanity.

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  65. Anonymous

    My boyfriend doesn’t watch it, as far as I know. But I watch it on occasion. I think it would be too awkward for us to watch it together, so I’ve never asked him if he would like to.

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  66. Judi

    I don’t understand how so many women say its not a big deal. Its a huge deal. It affects how a man sees his wife, it affects their marriage, it shows that the husband has no respect for his wife’s feelings, it affects the wife’s feelings about herself, it affects the wife’s feelings of how important she is to her husband, it can destroy a marriage. It is absolutely a huge deal. I just caught my husband doing it after I had previously discussed with him how disrespectful I thought it was and how if you love and respect someone, you would not harm them. Well, I’m devastated. I can’t live up to that kind of fantasy life. I’m not ugly & I’m not fat, & up to this point we have had a pretty incredible sex life, but now I don’t even want my husband to look at me because if he likes looking at those women, then I feel there is no way he can look at me and find me attractive. If he continues this, there is no way I can continue having a physical relationship with him. I can’t accept this poison in my marriage. It is poison. It seeps in and slowly destroys intimacy, feelings, respect, love until there is nothing left.

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  67. just an opinion

    I think the majority of men watch it and the rest that don’t, are lying about. I’d say there is actually a very, very small percentage of men that truly don’t do it and are not interested in it.

    My man would tell me about how he doesn’t want porn in our lives and how we don’t need it and it isn’t a necessity, yada yada yada…I check out our cell phone bill one month and see all these downloads of soft-core stuff but mainly just chicks in lingerie and sexy poses.
    So much for all that “we don’t need it” stuff.

    I always laugh when I hear a woman say “I would let him but my man doesn’t like porn.” Ha ha, I thought that too until I stumbled on the evidence. Oh well.

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  68. Kirsten

    I just discovered why my internet bill has been so high. How stupid am I my husbands been ordering $15 porn movies. I mean come on, that’s expensive for something you can watch only once. I know men look at porn but it bothers me because of the price, and because I’m the one that pays for it. He ruined my last computer with viruses I believe because I caught him a couple times in the search history looking at ALOT of sites. In a way I’m mad, very mad, and in a way I think I shouldn’t think of it as a big deal. I guess I feel, if you cant take me to a nice dinner, or give me flowers… EVER then you shouldn’t be spending my money on that. But he says he did pay for it, because he says his money is my money. Which we are married, but I worked for that money. With out my check we would simply not make it. I wouldn’t say our sex life is bad, once a week or sometimes twice. We have a 1 year old so it’s hard somethimes. Thing that gets me too is he was ordering this when I had to take my son to bed on Saturday nights because he couldn’t fall asleep on his own. What’s to say I didnt want to stay up late and relax. Why couldn’t he take our son to bed! I do everything around the house with little help from him, though he’ll say that’s not true. I’m just tired, mad, and disgusted.

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  69. naomi

    Honestly. I watch girl on girl porn with my boyfriend. For some reason it turns us both on more then it does watching girl on guy porn. It gives us new ideas with stuff to do. Kinda wishing we could find a girl to do that with.

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  70. A

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year now. The first five months of our relationship he would watch porn and jerk off to other women. He fantasized about so many girls it’s scary….. there were literally about 75 of them. He also fantasized about some of my best friends, whom I had confronted him about the first month we were dating and he denied ever having feelings for any of them. Whenever he confessed it to me, i was absolutely devastated. I trusted him so much & him just breaking me like that hurt so badly. I ended up losing all of my girl friends because they were freaked out by him & didnt want anything to do with me. I still can’t get over this because its hurt me so badly & ive tried to separate from him but i cant. I really love this boy and im so attached to him. I really need some advice, so if theres anyone out there that has experienced this, please help me. I need to know if it ever gets better or if i can ever get over this.

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  71. td

    My husband looks at porn. He has a so called foot fetish and looks at feet pictures and lesbian porn videos that involve feet. Weird?

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  72. cf

    My husband used to be my hero, but porn, and his constant lies about porn, has killed that view of him. How much can you love, respect a person and lie to them. Guys want to get away with being selfish and disgusting just because they have a penis. This just in-sometimes women want more, sometimes we aren’t fully satisfied, sometimes we are curious, but we love and respect our vows too much to even think about doing what you do. I gave my husband sex whenever he wanted, I am a beautiful woman and used to view myself in the highest of regards. Now I have zero self esteem and zero trust in my thought to be fairy tale marriage. Men are selfish ass holes.

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  73. Dee

    I recently discovered my partner looked at porn. I was shocked and hurt because I thought he was above all that. But my anti-porn feelings don’t just stem from the local issues (the subterfuge, the sense that he’s betrayed me and my trust), or the ugly aggression in much of the porn that is popular online these days, but also the wider issues of the pornography industry. This industry requires regulation (in some countries/regions at least because it’s a big money earning industry that hasn’t always (and still doesn’t) act ethically at all times. We hear about human trafficking, about women being drugged or coerced into performing. We hear about the risks of STDs, about physical injuries (e.g. anal prolapse). I see the brutal, ugly videos that are commonly available now and wonder why anyone could possibly be urned on by this demeaning, objectification of women. Is the ugliness part of the appeal? How can anyone watch this stuff without wondering whether the performers are performing of their own free will? How can anyone get off on watching acts that are probably causing physical damage – the rectum is not designed to take one penis, never mind two! I’ve looked at many forums and sites, trying to make sense of why men like porn, and so far I’ve totally failed to understand why women do. And I’m afraid the same old chestnuts come up time and again. All men do it. Boys will be boys. Men are visual creatures when it come to sex. These are all excuses, not arguments in favour of the use of pornography. I’ve rarely seen anyone address the wider issues of the industry. Why are those who use porn so self-satisfied with their own porn using habits? The selfishness being shown, the ‘I’m all right jack’ attitudes, the ‘this is my right and no one else matters’ stance are astounding at times.
    Men don’t *need* to use pornography (unless they are addicted); they may *want* to do it but that’s a different matter. Women who don’t like porn or their partner using it have an equally important view here, don’t you think. If they don’t like it then it threatens their relationship and therefore their men must stop using porn. It shouldn’t be difficult, unless their addicted. Let’s face it, none of us can give in to all our desires, can we?

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  74. anonymous

    Give me a break. How many of you have honestly never fantasized, while with or without your husbands? It’s the same thing. Sure, in your mind it’s not, but on an emotional level it completely is.

    Don’t make him feel like he needs to be secretive about it. If you make him feel all ashamed or awkward, he may close off to you. It’s not even about the porn at that point; you’re making him feel ashamed for being him. Don’t do that.

    Reply
  75. Alone

    What happened to good old fashion love? The type of stories our grandmothers and grandfathers had. Writing letters to the one you love because there were no phones. All my life I just wanted one man to love me unconditionally have no thoughts of any other women and porn allows it to be okay for our men to have a wondering eye. My husband has been extremely addicted to sex for the longest time and ive tried to deal with it in every way possible but Im at an all time low. Its such a feeling of betrayal that makes you feel so alone. The porn didnt bother me at first but the addiction just grew and grew. First I found a list of porn stars in his work shirt pocket and when i went to work, he would almost fly to his computer to talk to woman online, telling them he only has a little while, it became a secret second life he enjoys to hide and have. Its a full blown addiction. I have found endless saved pictures on his harddrive, porn stars, girls, even just normal pictures of girls on faceboook. Conversations with other woman younger girls webcamming with them. I have found so much its just an abuse i cannot stand anymore. When we were apart he would never webcam with me to just see or talk to me, but he will easily webcam for girls for sex. He began asking me to roleplay, and almost would get angry when I wouldnt always want to because i Dont have a drive for it. Why should i have to dress up and pretend to be someone else all the time just for him to enjoy our sex life. I cant just dress up sexy as ME myself anymore? Thats not good enough? Now im not the stale lover in the bedroom. I always give gives give and rarely receive. Ive gone as far as use sex toys that are designed to be a womans lips and try to for fill his fantasies but nothings ever good enough. He just wants more and more and thinks every woman has something different to offer that hes not receiving. It makes me feel so insecure and so horrible at times. Maybe it feels ok to watch porn with ur husbands when you have a trust, a full set of breasts and your comfortable about your body. What woman with small breasts wants to sit and watch porn and her husbands eyes on other womans huge breasts and not enjoying yours. I am still so young and its started to mentally mess with my head that i will never find a man who wont sneak behind my back at some point in life. Its a sneaky lifestlye. And when men start begin sneaky its a sign his unfaithful. He had disgusting amount of conversations on facebook trying to persuade younger woman to talk to him. Porn isnt just a casual thing, it tells your spouse its okay to want and desire another naked women. Maybe he has never gone as far a physically cheat but that doesn’t mean Its okay to get off and desire these woman who have endless sex lives with endless partners. It leaves them feeling theres always something better out there, some false reality that there are woman who just want a sexual commitment and are ready and willing to do anything. Eventually it tarnishes his real feelings of love. It confuses his head, and manipulates his brain and sex drive to think its not cheating. Its so hard being a young woman in todays times. Love just isnt enough anymore.

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  76. poseur

    I generally do not have a problem with him watching porn. He doesn’t do it very often, and when he does, it’s actually usually amateur-type porn with women who somewhat look like me, so it’s almost flattering in a way- like it’s a bit of a reassurance that I’m still the kind of woman he wants.
    A while back, i let him take some naughty pictures and a couple short videos of me… I thought it was cute that porn pretty much disappeared completely from his browser history after that (meaning that he was now using my images for his little self-love romps).
    We are both pretty honest with eachother that each of us occasionally masturbates when we aren’t with eachother. I have to usually read a little erotica to help myself along, so I understand the need for a little imagination boost.
    He is the only man I will ever need physically, and I know rusty I am the only woman he needs, so his occasional porn viewing doesn’t make me insecure at all.

    However, I will add that at one point, we were experiencing a really dark part our relationship (we actually seperated for a period, before he got see hero

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  77. poseur

    *before he got some help). During that period, he was very emotionally distant, and showed no physical affection towards me. I found porn once on his phone they I knew he had watched while sitting on the couch listening to me cry in the other room . This particular case was incredibly upsetting to me, but it was because this particle situation was just part of a larger, very unhappy situation.

    Since then, we have grown as individuals and as a couple. The porn thing (as long it doesn’t before some crazy every day addiction thing), I’m fine with porn.

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