Wish you weren’t a mom?
May 30th, 2008
Do you ever wish you weren’t a mom?
(remember, at Anonymousmom.com when you respond, you do NOT have to leave your name, email or link to your blog… but if you want to - feel free)
Motherhood, Secrets |42 Responses to “Wish you weren’t a mom?”
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While I have never wished I was not a Mom, I have found myself feeling completely overwhelmed and wished they would go away for awhile…and then immediately felt supremely guilty thereafter.
There are times, when I feel that I have reacted badly, or am so impatient with them, that I feel like I “shouldn’t” have been a mom. Not really that i didn’t “want” to be a mom. Just feeling at times that I’m not the type of mom that my kids need.
No, I don’t mind being a mom MOST of the time. I make sure I have enough time away from them to keep a healthy balance.
Never. But there are times I wish I could have just a little break. Or times that I think I don’t deserve to be a mom because my patience are long gone.
No. I’ve never wished I wasn’t a mom, but I have wished for a break from time to time. Then I feel incredibly guilty for wishing that I could just go drop my daugther off for a few days.
But not once have I wished I wasn’t a mom.
No - I haven’t wished it really. Although I have wondered what my life would be like if I hadn’t gotten married and had kids. As much stress and exhaustion as they can cause - I do think I wouldn’t be nearly as happy if I hadn’t had them though.
All I ever wanted was to be a mom so the answer is no. There are days that I wish I could have a hot meal, use the bathroom alone, and have time to just put my feet up and read a good book… but I wouldn’t substitute any of that for my children.
Yes. I have had many times when I just yell in my head “I hate being a mom! I don’t want to be a mom anymore!!” Sometimes I even say it out loud to my husband. Hey, it happens. But at the moment, and most of the time, I love my children and love (or at least am okay with) being a mom.
I’ve ALWAYS wanted to be a mum. I LOVE being a Mum, just find it hard to cope with sometimes as they go through their various stages of ‘ I’m not going to eat my tea’….’I'm going to provoke my brother as much as possible today’… AND ‘ I’m going to get told NOT to do this, but then go and do it STRAIGHT away!’… These are the days I wish I had done what some other mothers do, and put them in daycare for the day, or lock them in their rooms etc!
I find coping with this when I’m pregnant very hard too.. being very tired and having no or little patience is not a good mix for a high stress environment!
Yes. Last night was one occasion. My son was not sleeping and I was tired b/c he had not napped during the day and had been cranky. I love being a mom but at times I wish I could have some alone time. I feel guilty for even saying that considering our son was a planned pregnancy and all. Plus, does that make me a bad mom?
There are times when I feel like “I’m just not good at this” because sometimes the whole thing is just overwhelming! I have said on occasion that I hate being a mom, but I don’t…I feel like I do when things get crazy though.
Yes. My son is 12 weeks old and he is the most adorable sweet baby. I had wanted a baby for a year before we finally reached a point where we could try. Then, it happened so fast it was hard to believe. It was so hard at first and I had a nasty case of baby blues. Maybe I’m still a little post-partum-ish. When I see pregnant women in the grocery store I feel sorry for them inside… like “She doesn’t know what she’s getting herself into” (assuming she doesn’t already have 4 kids in the cart.) Sometimes I just find myself thinking “I wish it would have taken longer to get pregnant.” I feel really guilty about that because I know there are people out there that try and try. I guess I just miss the ease of my old life some. And I am jealous of my friends that are still going on dates with their husbands and spending their money on sushi and cosmos. But when it comes down to it, I wouldn’t change things. My baby came at the perfect time for us. I just second guess the decision to start a family.
yeah but more like I could just take off for a week, just pause our lives, cuz i don’t wanna miss anything!
I always wanted to be a Mom, when asked at career day in school (483 years ago -Ha) I always said ‘I want to be a wife and Mother’ this apalled my counsler. But sometimes, a lot lately, I don’t think I’m doing a very good job. I think maybe I shouldn’t be a Mom, I just don’t have the patience. It’s nice to read that I’m not alone in thinking that. But I wouldn’t trade my kids for the world.
There were times when I was younger and did not have the fathers support as I should have, but I never actually regretted my children because they kept me hopeful and strong.
I love my daughter and would die for her, literally. But there are days (and it seems I have more of these days than I do “good” days) that I wish I had never gotten married or had a baby. To just be single and have no responsibility would be nice. But then I love my husband and would miss him and my daughter terribly.
I just sometimes I wish I would have waited longer to become a mom. I might be a little more patient.
i like being a mother…but everybody needs a break sometimes… i love when my children go out of town with my mother….i feel very blessed to have this outlet because alot of my friends do not
Ever since I became a mom at 17 I have always loved it, while I have never wished I wasn’t a mom - I have wished I could get a break of more than 24-48 hours of all responsibilities (mot just the mothering part)
sometimes, I wish I was alone. Free from everything. My 4 year old treats me the same as her father does, and the 2 year old is starting to be this way too. Sometimes I feel like I just screwed up at raising them and they’d be better with some other mother. Someone better than me. I hate myself when I’m upset with my girls. I hate feeling this way. I have no help, nothing. I’m just the punching bag. I try and remember don’t take it personally, but it’s so hard. I wonder what kind of person I would be if I wasn’t a mom. I love my children, I’m just scared of the future, I’m scared I won’t be strong enough…
No, I’m thrilled to be a mother, and I love my children. I always knew I’d be a working mother, I watched my mom depend on my dad then leave after 20 years and she had no way to support herself, no job skills, etc.. - I figured that one out when I was seven years old watching her vacuum the house, etc.. all day while he was at work. I thought to myself, “this stuff is for the birds!”
There are days that I WONDER what my life would be like if it was just my husband and me. There are also days I wonder what my life would be like if I was single and didn’t get married at 20. (I was 26 when I had my first child)… I wonder what it would be like to live in NYC, to live in Paris, to go to the moon… but I never wish I wasn’t a mommy.
Yes.and no….
I have 2 girls…they’re 20 months apart…and they’re both extremely strong willed. EXTREMELY smart and talented too. Too smart for their poor mama. lol
Ok…so before I had kids, I was a very care-free soul. Had a lot of fun, traveled a lot, spent lots of time with friends.
Now..life is different.
Not only do I not have the freedom to do the things I want to do, but I’ve also changed a lot mentally, emotionally, and chemically.
My first daughter had alot of health problems and was sick all the time so it put me on the defensive…it sent me down a path of total freak-out about germs, illnesses, etc. Then I had my second daughter and had post partum depression….which fueled the fire that was already burning.
Now I struggle daily with depression, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. My youngest is 3 now and my oldest is almost 5.
I want time to myself constantly. Some days I want to run away or just go rent a hotel room and sleep, watch movies, and just be alone.
Thankfully, my husband is pretty supportive most of the time…otherwise, I don’t know where I’d be.
So…while I DO have my moments where I wish I just had time to myself…I don’t EVER wish I wasn’t a mom. I DO, however struggle with feeling like a BAD mom. I feel guilty a lot for not being the mom I EXPECTED to be.
I adore my kids but YES sometimes i wish i wasnt a mom…we had our first when we were still in highschool and have been together ever since(14 years) we have 3 children together but there are times…more often then they should be…that i just want to be single without children…part of me feels like i lost out on finding myself before i started being a part of someone elses life and then bringing children into the mix…sometimes i just want to run free,and play the field…NO STRINGS ATTATCHED….oh well a girl can dream right?
I always thought I wanted to be a mom, even when I was a kid that’s what I said I wanted to be when I grew up. I have a three month old baby now and I often wish that I didn’t. I’m a horrible person for thinking this, but when i found out that I was pregnant I was devistated. And ever since he was born it has been nothing but hard times. I hear that it gets easier and that it will get better. I still have hopes that I will enjoy motherhood, but right now I just wish that things were back to the way they used to be.
Sometimes i do wish i wasnt a mother, but then i look at my wonderful beautiful kids and then every thing changes. Motherhood ( especially being a single one, which im not but still.. ) does take a toll on any woman. Its really tough as times go on and on. Kids as they get older get more mouthier and as long as you nip it in the butt when they are younger, hopefully they will learn to respect you when they get older.
My dad use to tell me, ” one day daughter, you will find out for yourself on how and when to do things and you will see it that you arent always right. ” I agree, 9/10 times i wasnt right and i went back and apologized. Im only 21 and i still have alot to learn, but gotta love being a young mom cause by the time your kids get older, you’ll still be young to do whatever you want to do after they move out!!
Sometimes… I love my little boy to death… But who can ever “fully” prepare themselves for their first child… You can get the crib, toys and clothes ready, but nothing ever REALLY prepares you… I’m 25 with a 5 month old. Like I said I love him to death. But I miss the little things… Like Sleep, Going home right after work, being able to stay home on the weekends… (now I run around all weekend so my family can see him). I wouldn’t take back having him in a second, however I do wish every now and then that I could get a break…
When I found out my husband was cheating..I wished that I wasn’t a mom so it would be easier for me to leave.Without the kids I could walk out of his life and never see the bastard again
Sometimes I hate being a mom. my 2-year-old teases his 4-yr-old brother, then the 4-yr old cries and screams. baby brother laughs and does it again, big brother screams louder, etc. my 4-yr old is always crying and screaming over the tiniest little things. it drives me crazy. anything minor can send him into an uncontrollable fit. my daughter (almost 6) is annoying as hell, and i hate my husband and wish i hadn’t gotten married to him (at age 20). now i’m 29 and i hate my life. on top of all that, i have to quit smoking because my husband hates it. part of me wants to say, screw him, i’m an adult and this is the one little pleasure i get. but i’m afraid he’ll divorce me. i’ve only been smoking for about six months, courtesy of the stress i’m in. i wish they would just fucking behave. they never do what i tell them to, they seem to delight in disobeying me. i hate to say it, but i understand those women who snap and kill a bunch of people. i’d leave if i thought it wouldn’t screw the kids up completely. but maybe they’d be better off without me. surely there must be someone my husband could find to be a better mom to them than me, and a better wife to him. then i could be left all alone to my self-destruction.
I don’t see these kinds of books in the library. I look. I feel guilty for feeling this way. I feel scared feeling this way. I don’t hear moms talking about this anywhere in the world. I joke, but don’t speak. I am ashamed. I yell. I have bad thoughts. I wish. I feel guilty. What if something happened to her, I’d die. Guilt would eat my mind and soul. Just by chance I put in the second time, wish i hadn’t had her. The first site frightened me. I popped out of it quickly. I wish I could say these things out loud so we could all unite without feeling like… It’s ashame that bad things happen, because we can’t be real out loud with our thoughts. Thanks for being here. I really needed to get this out.
I feel much better thank you for being here.
I have two daughers, ages 14 and 17. My husband and I waited 7 years to have children because I was afraid of the teenage years. Turns out, for good reason. I definitely wish I didn’t have children. My husband and I have always worked full time demanding jobs to provide the best education possible for our girls. Unfortunately, the result at this point is two selfish, lazy, ungreatful kids. My mother, who raised 4 kids, has told me it will get better and they will really appreciate all the opportunities when they are older. Still, if I had it to do over again, I would not have had kids. Also, if you’re going to have them, make sure one person can stay home. I think the stay at home job is very underappreciated with very little respect in our society. I also think it’s a job that can drive a person crazy. However, it seems kids with a stay at home parent turn out better. I wish there was a test a person could take to determine likelihood of being a successful parent. I would have taken the test and probably failed and could have avoided all the cost, work, frustration and heart ache. I wish women weren’t wired to want kids so much. I think many would not have them given the chance to do it over. I’ve read all these comments and everyone says they’re glad their a mom in the end but most don’t have teenagers. Good luck to all.
I often wish I never became a mom I am constantly forced to stay home on the weekends while the man goes to the bar! Then tries to make me feel guilty cause I want some time to myself im around her 24/7 and no one understands me. Tells me well you should of never been a mom then if you need to have time away from her. Then theres the fact that he makes $2000 a month and refuses to buy me and baby new clothes! He wont let me get a job and expects my family to pay my bills! He uses my phone my cable and cant help out and eats my food! Then baby cries all the time for no reason and then I cant get her to play by herself for at least 5 mins in her playpen(when I put her in it she cries and screams) I put her in it cause I get tired of having to get her out of things every two seconds
When my kids drive me to breaking point I wonder why the hell I do it every day. My eldest is only 3.5 but she is super-smart (like crazily clever for her age) and my youngest is 16 months and the complete opposite. He can’t say any words at all or do very much yet they still manage to wind each other up and take every last drop of positivity that I woke up with! On those days I have occasionally wished I wasn’t a mum. Then they do something sweet or kind and I immediately feel guilty about my thoughts. So it has crossed my mind, but when it comes down to it, I love my kids and I am truly glad to be a mummy.
I am 40 and my son is almost 14…as far as I remember I never wanted to be a mother, it was not part of my plans..I love my son but if I could take back time I wouldn´t have him.. I felt the pressure to be a mom by my mom, and his very absent looser father. My son is useless, selfish, and a brat..no is not my fault bcs I am though when I need to be and nurturing when I need to be as well. He has no iniciative at all, I come home from work and the room is a mess, the dishes he´d used are dirty and when I ask him to do something he nags and complains. YES I HATE BEING A MOTHER…he talks back..I mean he as friends he goes out and have fun so is not that he is at home doing nothing, he is in a good school, but he does not appreciate me or anything I do for him. I can´t wait for him to be 18 and move out..then I´ll be happy.
I do sometimes wish I hadnt had kids until I was secure in my career, I especially hate the fact that my kids have no respect for me and take everything for granted. I have a teenager and 2 pre-teens. Me and my exhusband divorced because he was abusive after I had our son that he was jealous of and I had enough and left. He doesnt pay child support and has 2 new kids he takes care of and the young mother. I have to be both Mommy and Daddy everyday all day and I am really tired of trying to earn my kids respect. I have tried everything as far as discipline is concerned and finally got to the point where I figured I have tried my best but, my kids dont care why should I? I work, clean and take care of everything. My kids hate me because I cant afford expensive clothes for them or to enroll thwm in sports. I just cut there dad out of there life including his family because they didnt even bother to call my kids and say Merry Christmas and I am tired of my kids being lied to constantly. I am just looking out for their best interest but, Im the bad guy and Im the one that isnt listened to or respected. He owes me like 150k in child support and I know I will never see a dime of it ever. Am I wrong for cutting half love people out of my kids lives? I just wish my kids would stop being so hateful to me all the time. I am exhausted of trying to keep my cool and not lose my temper and beat them black & blue because I know that wont solve anything. I used to be beaten but, I know its not the right thing to do yet I cant even spank my children without them saying they will call the cops on me.
I have taken there toys away I have grounded them nothing works. I give up I have given 16 yrs away and at one point even worked 3 jobs to make ends meet. I have a 12 yr old and an 11 yr old. Am I wrong for thinking this way?
yes, there are times every single day that I wish I wasn’t a “step-mom” I love my husband with all my heart, but his kids drive me absolutely insane. His 10yr old daughter acts like she’s 2 in front of her dad, thinking she’s gonna get more attention that way, and it’s so damn annoying. And his 8yr old son is the spawn of the devil. He even looks like a devil. I was really messed up on pain pills for the first year of our relationship, and we happened to have gotten married during that time too. I could easily tolerate the kids then, but now? I”m having a really hard time.
Yes, at least once a week (usually by Fri or Sat), but her grandmother takes her on Sunday for about 8 hours and I am “reset” for my new week. Since I’m a stay-at-home mom, it takes it’s toll.
When she runs up to me and throws her arms around me and says “oh mama, I love you so much!” it makes it all better.
She’s 2 1/2.
Yes. If I could take it back, I would. Now that they exist, I love them. I don’t know what to do. Because of them I’m forced to interact with the worst human being I have ever known (their dad) and will until they are adults.
Although I’m not happy that others are suffering, it is good to know I’m not alone. I absolutely adore my 7 month old, but I really feel like I’ve lost who I am. I knew what I was getting into but it just feels so relentless and that I don’t get any time or space of my own. I really miss my old life. I found an old diary today and I cried and cried, thinking of how things used to be. I know I’m blessed with a beautiful baby, but I can’t help feeling resentful sometimes. I feel like such a bad person, but it’s helpful to see that others also feel like this sometimes.
Yes there are those days when I feel overwhelmed and I honestly ask myself did I make the right decision by having a child so young I am 22 married with a 2 year old daughter and I have another one on the way my daughter is soooooo hyperactive and defiant and if she is not yours you might find her hard to love but luckily all these feelings go away really fast when I see her sideways grin and little arms reached out for special hugs from mommy I would not trade her for anything in this world
I never wanted to be a mom, well, more that I was ambivalent about it. It was a deal breaker though for my husband. We adopted our son at 6 months old and he is almost 4. I do not like being a mom. And this kid is a piece of cake. His father is amazing. We have plenty of resources. The guilt is profound as I am raising my child who is also another woman’s child. I love him but every day I wish I hadn’t done it. Living with this weight is drowning me.
I often wish I’d stayed both single and childless, but occasionally, I’ll have this profound moment of loneliness thinking of my life without my family. Still, I am something of an introvert, incredibly self-sufficient, a real free spirit, and I wish someone had warned me how hard it is to be a mother if one has these qualities. The other thing is that I am an “older” mom–my first child at 38. Now that they are older, it’s a little easier in SOME ways, but much harder in others. They still seriously NEED me, and I am committed to that need, but it is punishing, like scraping away pieces of yourself at all times.