Wish you weren’t a mom?
May 30th, 2008
Do you ever wish you weren’t a mom?
(remember, at Anonymousmom.com when you respond, you do NOT have to leave your name, email or link to your blog… but if you want to - feel free)
Motherhood, Secrets |66 Responses to “Wish you weren’t a mom?”
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While I have never wished I was not a Mom, I have found myself feeling completely overwhelmed and wished they would go away for awhile…and then immediately felt supremely guilty thereafter.
There are times, when I feel that I have reacted badly, or am so impatient with them, that I feel like I “shouldn’t” have been a mom. Not really that i didn’t “want” to be a mom. Just feeling at times that I’m not the type of mom that my kids need.
No, I don’t mind being a mom MOST of the time. I make sure I have enough time away from them to keep a healthy balance.
Never. But there are times I wish I could have just a little break. Or times that I think I don’t deserve to be a mom because my patience are long gone.
No. I’ve never wished I wasn’t a mom, but I have wished for a break from time to time. Then I feel incredibly guilty for wishing that I could just go drop my daugther off for a few days.
But not once have I wished I wasn’t a mom.
No - I haven’t wished it really. Although I have wondered what my life would be like if I hadn’t gotten married and had kids. As much stress and exhaustion as they can cause - I do think I wouldn’t be nearly as happy if I hadn’t had them though.
All I ever wanted was to be a mom so the answer is no. There are days that I wish I could have a hot meal, use the bathroom alone, and have time to just put my feet up and read a good book… but I wouldn’t substitute any of that for my children.
Yes. I have had many times when I just yell in my head “I hate being a mom! I don’t want to be a mom anymore!!” Sometimes I even say it out loud to my husband. Hey, it happens. But at the moment, and most of the time, I love my children and love (or at least am okay with) being a mom.
I’ve ALWAYS wanted to be a mum. I LOVE being a Mum, just find it hard to cope with sometimes as they go through their various stages of ‘ I’m not going to eat my tea’….’I'm going to provoke my brother as much as possible today’… AND ‘ I’m going to get told NOT to do this, but then go and do it STRAIGHT away!’… These are the days I wish I had done what some other mothers do, and put them in daycare for the day, or lock them in their rooms etc!
I find coping with this when I’m pregnant very hard too.. being very tired and having no or little patience is not a good mix for a high stress environment!
Yes. Last night was one occasion. My son was not sleeping and I was tired b/c he had not napped during the day and had been cranky. I love being a mom but at times I wish I could have some alone time. I feel guilty for even saying that considering our son was a planned pregnancy and all. Plus, does that make me a bad mom?
There are times when I feel like “I’m just not good at this” because sometimes the whole thing is just overwhelming! I have said on occasion that I hate being a mom, but I don’t…I feel like I do when things get crazy though.
Yes. My son is 12 weeks old and he is the most adorable sweet baby. I had wanted a baby for a year before we finally reached a point where we could try. Then, it happened so fast it was hard to believe. It was so hard at first and I had a nasty case of baby blues. Maybe I’m still a little post-partum-ish. When I see pregnant women in the grocery store I feel sorry for them inside… like “She doesn’t know what she’s getting herself into” (assuming she doesn’t already have 4 kids in the cart.) Sometimes I just find myself thinking “I wish it would have taken longer to get pregnant.” I feel really guilty about that because I know there are people out there that try and try. I guess I just miss the ease of my old life some. And I am jealous of my friends that are still going on dates with their husbands and spending their money on sushi and cosmos. But when it comes down to it, I wouldn’t change things. My baby came at the perfect time for us. I just second guess the decision to start a family.
yeah but more like I could just take off for a week, just pause our lives, cuz i don’t wanna miss anything!
I always wanted to be a Mom, when asked at career day in school (483 years ago -Ha) I always said ‘I want to be a wife and Mother’ this apalled my counsler. But sometimes, a lot lately, I don’t think I’m doing a very good job. I think maybe I shouldn’t be a Mom, I just don’t have the patience. It’s nice to read that I’m not alone in thinking that. But I wouldn’t trade my kids for the world.
There were times when I was younger and did not have the fathers support as I should have, but I never actually regretted my children because they kept me hopeful and strong.
I love my daughter and would die for her, literally. But there are days (and it seems I have more of these days than I do “good” days) that I wish I had never gotten married or had a baby. To just be single and have no responsibility would be nice. But then I love my husband and would miss him and my daughter terribly.
I just sometimes I wish I would have waited longer to become a mom. I might be a little more patient.
i like being a mother…but everybody needs a break sometimes… i love when my children go out of town with my mother….i feel very blessed to have this outlet because alot of my friends do not
Ever since I became a mom at 17 I have always loved it, while I have never wished I wasn’t a mom - I have wished I could get a break of more than 24-48 hours of all responsibilities (mot just the mothering part)
sometimes, I wish I was alone. Free from everything. My 4 year old treats me the same as her father does, and the 2 year old is starting to be this way too. Sometimes I feel like I just screwed up at raising them and they’d be better with some other mother. Someone better than me. I hate myself when I’m upset with my girls. I hate feeling this way. I have no help, nothing. I’m just the punching bag. I try and remember don’t take it personally, but it’s so hard. I wonder what kind of person I would be if I wasn’t a mom. I love my children, I’m just scared of the future, I’m scared I won’t be strong enough…
No, I’m thrilled to be a mother, and I love my children. I always knew I’d be a working mother, I watched my mom depend on my dad then leave after 20 years and she had no way to support herself, no job skills, etc.. - I figured that one out when I was seven years old watching her vacuum the house, etc.. all day while he was at work. I thought to myself, “this stuff is for the birds!”
There are days that I WONDER what my life would be like if it was just my husband and me. There are also days I wonder what my life would be like if I was single and didn’t get married at 20. (I was 26 when I had my first child)… I wonder what it would be like to live in NYC, to live in Paris, to go to the moon… but I never wish I wasn’t a mommy.
Yes.and no….
I have 2 girls…they’re 20 months apart…and they’re both extremely strong willed. EXTREMELY smart and talented too. Too smart for their poor mama. lol
Ok…so before I had kids, I was a very care-free soul. Had a lot of fun, traveled a lot, spent lots of time with friends.
Now..life is different.
Not only do I not have the freedom to do the things I want to do, but I’ve also changed a lot mentally, emotionally, and chemically.
My first daughter had alot of health problems and was sick all the time so it put me on the defensive…it sent me down a path of total freak-out about germs, illnesses, etc. Then I had my second daughter and had post partum depression….which fueled the fire that was already burning.
Now I struggle daily with depression, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. My youngest is 3 now and my oldest is almost 5.
I want time to myself constantly. Some days I want to run away or just go rent a hotel room and sleep, watch movies, and just be alone.
Thankfully, my husband is pretty supportive most of the time…otherwise, I don’t know where I’d be.
So…while I DO have my moments where I wish I just had time to myself…I don’t EVER wish I wasn’t a mom. I DO, however struggle with feeling like a BAD mom. I feel guilty a lot for not being the mom I EXPECTED to be.
I adore my kids but YES sometimes i wish i wasnt a mom…we had our first when we were still in highschool and have been together ever since(14 years) we have 3 children together but there are times…more often then they should be…that i just want to be single without children…part of me feels like i lost out on finding myself before i started being a part of someone elses life and then bringing children into the mix…sometimes i just want to run free,and play the field…NO STRINGS ATTATCHED….oh well a girl can dream right?
I always thought I wanted to be a mom, even when I was a kid that’s what I said I wanted to be when I grew up. I have a three month old baby now and I often wish that I didn’t. I’m a horrible person for thinking this, but when i found out that I was pregnant I was devistated. And ever since he was born it has been nothing but hard times. I hear that it gets easier and that it will get better. I still have hopes that I will enjoy motherhood, but right now I just wish that things were back to the way they used to be.
Sometimes i do wish i wasnt a mother, but then i look at my wonderful beautiful kids and then every thing changes. Motherhood ( especially being a single one, which im not but still.. ) does take a toll on any woman. Its really tough as times go on and on. Kids as they get older get more mouthier and as long as you nip it in the butt when they are younger, hopefully they will learn to respect you when they get older.
My dad use to tell me, ” one day daughter, you will find out for yourself on how and when to do things and you will see it that you arent always right. ” I agree, 9/10 times i wasnt right and i went back and apologized. Im only 21 and i still have alot to learn, but gotta love being a young mom cause by the time your kids get older, you’ll still be young to do whatever you want to do after they move out!!
Sometimes… I love my little boy to death… But who can ever “fully” prepare themselves for their first child… You can get the crib, toys and clothes ready, but nothing ever REALLY prepares you… I’m 25 with a 5 month old. Like I said I love him to death. But I miss the little things… Like Sleep, Going home right after work, being able to stay home on the weekends… (now I run around all weekend so my family can see him). I wouldn’t take back having him in a second, however I do wish every now and then that I could get a break…
When I found out my husband was cheating..I wished that I wasn’t a mom so it would be easier for me to leave.Without the kids I could walk out of his life and never see the bastard again
Sometimes I hate being a mom. my 2-year-old teases his 4-yr-old brother, then the 4-yr old cries and screams. baby brother laughs and does it again, big brother screams louder, etc. my 4-yr old is always crying and screaming over the tiniest little things. it drives me crazy. anything minor can send him into an uncontrollable fit. my daughter (almost 6) is annoying as hell, and i hate my husband and wish i hadn’t gotten married to him (at age 20). now i’m 29 and i hate my life. on top of all that, i have to quit smoking because my husband hates it. part of me wants to say, screw him, i’m an adult and this is the one little pleasure i get. but i’m afraid he’ll divorce me. i’ve only been smoking for about six months, courtesy of the stress i’m in. i wish they would just fucking behave. they never do what i tell them to, they seem to delight in disobeying me. i hate to say it, but i understand those women who snap and kill a bunch of people. i’d leave if i thought it wouldn’t screw the kids up completely. but maybe they’d be better off without me. surely there must be someone my husband could find to be a better mom to them than me, and a better wife to him. then i could be left all alone to my self-destruction.
I don’t see these kinds of books in the library. I look. I feel guilty for feeling this way. I feel scared feeling this way. I don’t hear moms talking about this anywhere in the world. I joke, but don’t speak. I am ashamed. I yell. I have bad thoughts. I wish. I feel guilty. What if something happened to her, I’d die. Guilt would eat my mind and soul. Just by chance I put in the second time, wish i hadn’t had her. The first site frightened me. I popped out of it quickly. I wish I could say these things out loud so we could all unite without feeling like… It’s ashame that bad things happen, because we can’t be real out loud with our thoughts. Thanks for being here. I really needed to get this out.
I feel much better thank you for being here.
I have two daughers, ages 14 and 17. My husband and I waited 7 years to have children because I was afraid of the teenage years. Turns out, for good reason. I definitely wish I didn’t have children. My husband and I have always worked full time demanding jobs to provide the best education possible for our girls. Unfortunately, the result at this point is two selfish, lazy, ungreatful kids. My mother, who raised 4 kids, has told me it will get better and they will really appreciate all the opportunities when they are older. Still, if I had it to do over again, I would not have had kids. Also, if you’re going to have them, make sure one person can stay home. I think the stay at home job is very underappreciated with very little respect in our society. I also think it’s a job that can drive a person crazy. However, it seems kids with a stay at home parent turn out better. I wish there was a test a person could take to determine likelihood of being a successful parent. I would have taken the test and probably failed and could have avoided all the cost, work, frustration and heart ache. I wish women weren’t wired to want kids so much. I think many would not have them given the chance to do it over. I’ve read all these comments and everyone says they’re glad their a mom in the end but most don’t have teenagers. Good luck to all.
I often wish I never became a mom I am constantly forced to stay home on the weekends while the man goes to the bar! Then tries to make me feel guilty cause I want some time to myself im around her 24/7 and no one understands me. Tells me well you should of never been a mom then if you need to have time away from her. Then theres the fact that he makes $2000 a month and refuses to buy me and baby new clothes! He wont let me get a job and expects my family to pay my bills! He uses my phone my cable and cant help out and eats my food! Then baby cries all the time for no reason and then I cant get her to play by herself for at least 5 mins in her playpen(when I put her in it she cries and screams) I put her in it cause I get tired of having to get her out of things every two seconds
When my kids drive me to breaking point I wonder why the hell I do it every day. My eldest is only 3.5 but she is super-smart (like crazily clever for her age) and my youngest is 16 months and the complete opposite. He can’t say any words at all or do very much yet they still manage to wind each other up and take every last drop of positivity that I woke up with! On those days I have occasionally wished I wasn’t a mum. Then they do something sweet or kind and I immediately feel guilty about my thoughts. So it has crossed my mind, but when it comes down to it, I love my kids and I am truly glad to be a mummy.
I am 40 and my son is almost 14…as far as I remember I never wanted to be a mother, it was not part of my plans..I love my son but if I could take back time I wouldn´t have him.. I felt the pressure to be a mom by my mom, and his very absent looser father. My son is useless, selfish, and a brat..no is not my fault bcs I am though when I need to be and nurturing when I need to be as well. He has no iniciative at all, I come home from work and the room is a mess, the dishes he´d used are dirty and when I ask him to do something he nags and complains. YES I HATE BEING A MOTHER…he talks back..I mean he as friends he goes out and have fun so is not that he is at home doing nothing, he is in a good school, but he does not appreciate me or anything I do for him. I can´t wait for him to be 18 and move out..then I´ll be happy.
I do sometimes wish I hadnt had kids until I was secure in my career, I especially hate the fact that my kids have no respect for me and take everything for granted. I have a teenager and 2 pre-teens. Me and my exhusband divorced because he was abusive after I had our son that he was jealous of and I had enough and left. He doesnt pay child support and has 2 new kids he takes care of and the young mother. I have to be both Mommy and Daddy everyday all day and I am really tired of trying to earn my kids respect. I have tried everything as far as discipline is concerned and finally got to the point where I figured I have tried my best but, my kids dont care why should I? I work, clean and take care of everything. My kids hate me because I cant afford expensive clothes for them or to enroll thwm in sports. I just cut there dad out of there life including his family because they didnt even bother to call my kids and say Merry Christmas and I am tired of my kids being lied to constantly. I am just looking out for their best interest but, Im the bad guy and Im the one that isnt listened to or respected. He owes me like 150k in child support and I know I will never see a dime of it ever. Am I wrong for cutting half love people out of my kids lives? I just wish my kids would stop being so hateful to me all the time. I am exhausted of trying to keep my cool and not lose my temper and beat them black & blue because I know that wont solve anything. I used to be beaten but, I know its not the right thing to do yet I cant even spank my children without them saying they will call the cops on me.
I have taken there toys away I have grounded them nothing works. I give up I have given 16 yrs away and at one point even worked 3 jobs to make ends meet. I have a 12 yr old and an 11 yr old. Am I wrong for thinking this way?
yes, there are times every single day that I wish I wasn’t a “step-mom” I love my husband with all my heart, but his kids drive me absolutely insane. His 10yr old daughter acts like she’s 2 in front of her dad, thinking she’s gonna get more attention that way, and it’s so damn annoying. And his 8yr old son is the spawn of the devil. He even looks like a devil. I was really messed up on pain pills for the first year of our relationship, and we happened to have gotten married during that time too. I could easily tolerate the kids then, but now? I”m having a really hard time.
Yes, at least once a week (usually by Fri or Sat), but her grandmother takes her on Sunday for about 8 hours and I am “reset” for my new week. Since I’m a stay-at-home mom, it takes it’s toll.
When she runs up to me and throws her arms around me and says “oh mama, I love you so much!” it makes it all better.
She’s 2 1/2.
Yes. If I could take it back, I would. Now that they exist, I love them. I don’t know what to do. Because of them I’m forced to interact with the worst human being I have ever known (their dad) and will until they are adults.
Although I’m not happy that others are suffering, it is good to know I’m not alone. I absolutely adore my 7 month old, but I really feel like I’ve lost who I am. I knew what I was getting into but it just feels so relentless and that I don’t get any time or space of my own. I really miss my old life. I found an old diary today and I cried and cried, thinking of how things used to be. I know I’m blessed with a beautiful baby, but I can’t help feeling resentful sometimes. I feel like such a bad person, but it’s helpful to see that others also feel like this sometimes.
Yes there are those days when I feel overwhelmed and I honestly ask myself did I make the right decision by having a child so young I am 22 married with a 2 year old daughter and I have another one on the way my daughter is soooooo hyperactive and defiant and if she is not yours you might find her hard to love but luckily all these feelings go away really fast when I see her sideways grin and little arms reached out for special hugs from mommy I would not trade her for anything in this world
I never wanted to be a mom, well, more that I was ambivalent about it. It was a deal breaker though for my husband. We adopted our son at 6 months old and he is almost 4. I do not like being a mom. And this kid is a piece of cake. His father is amazing. We have plenty of resources. The guilt is profound as I am raising my child who is also another woman’s child. I love him but every day I wish I hadn’t done it. Living with this weight is drowning me.
I often wish I’d stayed both single and childless, but occasionally, I’ll have this profound moment of loneliness thinking of my life without my family. Still, I am something of an introvert, incredibly self-sufficient, a real free spirit, and I wish someone had warned me how hard it is to be a mother if one has these qualities. The other thing is that I am an “older” mom–my first child at 38. Now that they are older, it’s a little easier in SOME ways, but much harder in others. They still seriously NEED me, and I am committed to that need, but it is punishing, like scraping away pieces of yourself at all times.
I currently cannot stand being a mother. I know it’s awful but I feel so relieved when they go to school or go to stay with their grandparents (which is currently every weekend). My youngest who just turned 5 is not too bad, I can tolerate him apart from the whining which I have no patience with but it’s not too bad. My eldest is 8 and I can barely stand to be anywhere near him. He acts like a baby, he has the loudest voice in the world, he sulks, he’s clingy, he tells tales, whines, cries for no reason, he’s arrogant and he’s rude. He gets spoiled by other family members, gets huge presents for little reasons like learning to do things instead of just praise. He tries to come between me and my partner and not because he wants ME all to himself, but because he wants HIM all to himself like he turned up just to be around him. I’m sorry but I do not recognise this child anymore, he used to be this quiet sweet little thing who was grateful at christmas even though he had less than most kids he knew. Now he’s just a brat
I look at my kids and think that I am glad they are here, but not under the current circumstances they are here under (they are product of a broken home, I am a single mom, their father is mentally ill). I feel like I have done them a disservice by bringing them into this world. I do not like parenthood and at times wish I would have made a different choice. But I love my kids with all my heart and it kills me inside that I feel this way.
yes. i always said i didnt want kids. i feel like my life is over before it started
I don’t like being a mother. I feel awful for saying this too but it’s the first time I’ve ever admitted it and I’m relieved to see others here who feel the same way. I am introverted, self sufficient and would usually prefer to be alone or in the company of 1-2 people. Having kids ruins all that. I hate to be bothered, I hate to answer questions, I hate having to spend money on stuff that I feel could go elsewhere. My daughter, however, is so sweet and loving and affectionate and I feel bad for feeling this way toward her. She’s almost 6. But it’s like when she wants to lay all on me and hug and kiss I can feel my skin crawling. I prefer her at a reasonable distance. And it’s not her that I specifically dislike, it’s kids in general. But when she whines, I just want to rip her skin off. And she complains and fusses and it irritates me like nothing in the world. If I could go back, I’d be one of those people who never ever had children. Perhaps, I’d marry (I’m not married now and can’t picture it but the idea sounds ok) but I’d want a child-free life so we could enjoy eachother, vacation and own nice things without worrying about some kid spilling juice on it. I am sad to say, I certainly dont like this job. Not to mention, pregnancy ruined my Playboy perfect body and I’ll never get it back without extensive surgery (more money to spend)…I often wonder what my life would be like right now without a kid. How great I’d probably be doing. And it’s a shame. I love my daughter but if I could change it I would. Hands down.
I wouldn’t change it for the world, but Nothing could possibly have prepared me for the change having kids would bring to my life. I have had my share of depression/anxiety, even anxiety attacks. I have very little help from family but am fortunate to be able to put the youngest one in a mothers day out program. I am very introverted and need complete silence and serenity to heal and recoup and I feel that I never get this! Even when the kids are in school I am either working or cleaning house or running errands. Plus, I really need more than small blocks of time here and there…at this point I need like a whole week away! It just builds up. The oldest is 6 and since becoming pregnant w/her about 7 years ago I have rarely felt “rested”. Man this is hard on an introvert!
Yes. I feel so many different ways about my daughter. Sometimes I don’t know whether I want to kiss her or give her away. I wish I were better at being a mother. I wish that I loved being a mother. I sometimes want her to disappear. My husband says I should get a nanny, but I don’t want anyone else raising her. I love her and don’t think anyone could love her or raise her better than I. But at the same time I resent her and wish I hadn’t had her at times.
I have a one year l son and he is adorable. wherever we go people say how handsome and smart he is. mt mother in law cant get enough….. well most days i feel i am at my breaking point. we had him much earlier than expected and i didnt kow how un-ready i was to become a mom until i was one. i wasnt ready to give up all the things i had to give up. The only time he is really loud is when im trying to do something. that is what gets me the most. sometimes he can whine alot and just be… a handful. i guess im grateful, i am. it seems like so much, i have already decided,once we can aford it, we are getting a f$%#ing nanny!
If I could turn back the hands of time I wouldnt dare let a male bastard impregnate me, only to forfeit my freedom, my figure, and my finances… I know it may sound so selfish and shallow, but noone tells you just how much of yourself you give up as a mother. The mistake society makes is glamourizing motherhood. I lost myself somwhere amongst the seemingly endless diaper trail. I feel so stuck and so guilty at the same time. But the overwhelming responsibility of motherhood, makes me wonder if there really is a manual; it has to be for literally “peace sake”, because I have none. I have a 6 yr old daughter and a 3yr old special needs son and he is pure hell at times. The kind of child people pray they dont have. In all fairness and honesty I enjoyed motherhood when my daughter came along for she was and still is a saint of a child. But Im ashamed to say I wish I never had my son, for I havent had any real peace since he’s been here. I love both of my children but Im not cut out for this, well at least him. Im 29 yrs old and I want to run away from home. Im currently divorced which may have some bearings on the situation; but I often fantasize about dropping them off on their dads front porch and taking off. I might enjoy some aspects of parenting but I wish I could go back to the day before I got pregnant with my son.
Right now yes. I wish I had waited until I’d had fun, found the man that I love and discovered my path in life. Right now I’m 24, have been a single mum since I was 18. I work full-time, my kids are beautiful with such amazing personalities, but it is so hard. I’ve never had the opportunity to be young,or selfish, or to make a decision based singularly on what’s right for ME, or plainly just what I want. I work hard at trying to make sure our life is well-rounded and that we will have a good future. We have a nice home, they go to a good school, we eat good food. I invest a lot of time and heart into my little family but only because I know it’s the right way to do it. Yes there are those wonderful little moments when realise how much you really do love them, but It’s not what I want to be doing. I don’t want that much responsibilty for someone else…. Maybe I’ll grow up one day and I’ll be having the time of my life on a beach somewhere in Mexico and none of this will matter, but at this point in time it really sux to be me… I suppose though, it could be worse.
Now that I’ve poured my heart out I’m off to buy a chocolate. This is a great site. I feel a bit better.
Omg! As I try & type this up I thank every single mother who stated that they wouldn’t have had kids. All the moms saying “at the end of the day their happpy to have them” well more power to you. I’m 29 & had NO idea not a clue how my life would have changed. MY LIFE stopped/changed not her dads. I worked 2 jobs, went to school fulltime, had friends, looked great and was a “people person” the kind of girl everybody wanted to be around. Now maybe many of you mothers had boring lives, maybe you needed a man to validate your lives or to help you become more but I was FINE w/o any of it! Then I became pregnant & continued to menstruate & not know I was prego. Had I knew I’d have been pro-choice. I hate who I am today. I miss the old me I was happier less angry. I genuinely smiled..laughed now I remind myself to do so or look depressed. Nobody knows I cry daily to myself. Although I’m still w/ her dad we aren’t married & life hasn’t changed for this man. He also forgets the career woman I was. My daughter is 5 now & is extremely intelligent & reads @ a 2nd grade reading level I’m so impatient & yell all the time. He’s never home & never spends time w/ her. He does provide financially but that’s all I am her sister/friend/mother/father. I was laid off and life has been worse for me. I internalize everything & can’t say that I made the right decision. To the me of yesterday…why’d you do this b/c today you’ve lost in a life you were winning in. Bless all of you happy to be a mom but everything isn’t for everybody. I love my child but I feel she’d still be great if I wasn’t her mom no guilt there truest feeling ever. Thank you for this outlet I thought I was alone this feeling can be crimpling.
I was at my wits end today when I came upon this site. I know it’s been said but I always feel INCREDIBLY guilty thinking the things I do, and it makes it a little easier knowing some other moms go through the same thing as me.
I really really wish I had just gotten married and not had any children. I’m 25 and we have two girls, a one year old and a 3 year old. They are, for the most part, good children! Beautiful and loving and smart. I love them both so much, of course! But if I could take it back, definitely. I feel like my kids have ruined my life. And I know that is a horrible thing to say. ugh. It makes me sick that I feel that way. But being a mom is a thankless job. My husband works such crazy long hours that I’m feel like a single mom. I want to go out, have friends, travel, save money, live my life! I want to feel like a person, with a complex and interesting identity, instead of being defined by MOM. I don’t know how to change it. I can’t, I guess! But oh! The thoughts of what my life would be, with just my husband and I! They make me sad.
There are a lot of men who are not coming to the party here. A good partner puts the other person first. No doubt you mothers will raise good men, because you have been through so much hardship. Thinking of you all and wishing the best for you.
Yes, sometimes. My daughter is autistic, and my marriage, which was already having problems when I had her, has suffered greatly. I do have regrets, even though I am trying to stay positive.
My daughter is actually one of the coolest people I know, but she’s also one of the most difficult. Coping with her has made me much stronger, and for that, I am grateful. But I’d never do this again. And knowing what I know now about my husband’s inability to offer his time or emotional support when things get tough, I wouldn’t marry him again, either. But I believe offering her a secure home with two parents is important for my daughter. She does the best she can, no matter how tough life is for her. She deserves a mom who’s willing to do that, too.
I’m glad everyone here has the guts to admit their feelings. Knowing there are others who are struggling with parenthood really helps.
Yes, yes, YES!!! I had my first daughter in januaey of 2010, and was happy the whole time i was pregnant. Loved it. I struggled with postpartum for about 6 months after she was born..it was terrible, i didn’t thinkni was ever going to get better. I always felt hopeless, and resented having to have given up my career, my social life, and my independence. It was hard. I finally got effective help, and was happy, hitting a stride with being a mom. I love my daughter more than anything, and was living staying at home with her…i got a fun job part time thst paid great…something fun just to get out of the house. Then RIGHT after we bought our 1st house, i got a terrible suprise. I was pregnant. And to make it even worse, i was already 14 weeks. I was in my dr’s to get my depo provera (birth control!!!) shot, and my pregnancy test came back positive. I lost it. I was yelling, cursing, sobbing, hyperventilating…i had just rebuilt after having my first and was happy. Content. And this was very, very unwanted. My husband and i had decided we only wanted 1. No dr would give him a vasectomy, saying ‘what if you change your mind?’ or ‘you’re too young’ (he is 29). My dr or ob wouldnt tie my tubes, citing the same reasons. I asked for long term birth control, which my dr said has a lot of negative side effects, and wanted to try me on depo first, saying it was almost the same, it jyst didnt require surgery. I thought i was safe, and taking every precaution. WRONG!!! I was so pissed the whole pregnancy. It was physically very difficult, as i wasnt fully recovered from my first child, i got pregnant only 6 months later. I tried to be positive, but deep down i just feel cheated. We both knew we wanted only 1 child. But no one would believe us, or allow us to make these personal family planning decisions. My new daughter is a month old, and perfect. Beautiful, and a great baby. I just wish i hadnt had her. I just feel like this huge life change has been forced on me, and i have no choice. Had to quit my great job AGAIN. (hewants me to stay home, its ‘best’) i had just lost all the baby weight, now im fst and streched out AGAIN. Had to trade imy awespme little hybrid car for a big gas guzzling minivan that i F—–G hate….it is a gigantic hassle to go anywhere or do anything. Im constantly running around taking care of a fussy infant, a very active toddler, taking care of the house, basicslly doing crap i cannot stand, and is so tedious i wNt to stick my head in an oven. I was 100% happy with my 1 daughter, and my husband. Now we have 2 and are even having to think about moving out of our brand new dream house that we jyst got in january…not enough room. I am just furious, embarassed, and resentful at what has happened. My daughters are happy, lived and well taken care of. I just feel like im dying inside. I just want to dig a hole, bury myself, and disappear. Wish our dr’s would have listened to us…. And then the 3 of us could have continued being a happy little family.
I never thought I could have children and then I was blessed with two beautiful and sweet girls. 20 months and 4 months. They mean everything to me but I feel like at times I am not the best mommy that I could be. It all happened when I was pregnant with my second child. I was told at 4 months pregnant that my child could be born with DS. The rest of the pregnancy I was so upset, stressed, worried and depressed. I thought it was all my fault. However my supportive husband and I were going to have this baby no matter if she had DS or not. She was born perfectly healthy so I was worried for no reason. It also didn’t help that I was super emotional and hormonal during this pregnancy. I would cry here and there and would dwell about everything. I felt guilty for not being as active with my first child even though I was for being pregnant. Then I had my second child and I became someone I hate and despise. My first child is so good with my second child. Giving her hugs and kisses, patting her on the head, wanting to hold her. However she is going through the hitting stage. Not all the time but enough where I am getting upset about it. She hits my second child and myself, and it hurts. I get mad and tell her no or I hold her arms and tell her that what she is doing is bad. I feel so guilty for raising my voice and snapping at her. I am also nursing for a second time. So I am seriously sleep deprived. My first child is also getting in the habit of sleeping in our bed. (Probably from being jealous) She rolls around and ends up rolling over and hitting us with her head or feet. So in the end I get about 1-2 hours of sleep a night and my husband maybe 3-4 hours. I know we should tell her no but there are a few reasons why we don’t. I am too tired to keep going back and forth. I think because we didn’t think we could have children that we give into her and don’t want to try the cry it out method. I also feel guilty that our second child is with us and our first is not. It’s really both our faults. My second child is just getting over being a little colicky so that didn’t help matters either. I don’t know if I am going through PPD or if I am seriously sleep deprived with this ancient Chinese torture. I hate being so upset. I hate dwelling on the stupidest things. I hate feeling guilty. I have not raised a hand on either child but I have yelled which I hate. I love, love these girls and love being a mom. I want to be the kind, caring, considerate person I have always been. I don’t want to be short tempered or stressed out either. It is getting little bit better because they are getting older but I want this person that is not me to go away ASAP. Thanks for letting me vent and share my problems. I feel a little bit better getting this off my chest.
I am the mother of a 6 week old baby boy. Nothing ever could have prepared me for this. I am so terribly sorry I did this. Most of the time I feel panicky thinking that I cannot undo this mistake. Although he was planned, I want to go back in time and borrow somebody else’s baby for a week. That would have changed my mind. I want myself back. I want my husband back. I miss our alone time, and sleeping in, and reading on my day off. I am so sad and regretful. What a horrible decision. I hate my life now.
Yes, I wish I could just take off and do the things I love to do without guilt and without thought. My children are amazing, but it is a sacrifice.
I know this site is pretty old, but I imagine other mothers, women considering becoming a mother, and possibly the mothers who posted on this site previously, return to see what others are saying. So here is my two cents: I also regretted having children. I knew when I was young that I was not cut out for motherhood, or marriage either, but bought into the wedding craze of the late 1980’s (all my friends were having fabulous over the top weddings) and into having a baby because everyone said I would grow into it. I did not. Had my first in my late 20’s and my second 6 years later. They are wonderful and I have been the best mom I can be despite my true feelings. One is now grown and the other almost there. I am sorry I didn’t give myself the freedom to admit what I wanted for myself when I was young, and while I have not and never will tell my children how I feel, I have tried to teach them to be true to themselves. If you want kids - great - if not, that is ok too. I also wanted my tubes tied at 16 because I knew this was not the life I wanted, doctors and my family wouldn’t think of it. But I believe people usually know themselves. So, my advice is - if you don’t want kids, have the courage to admit it and don’t have them. You can be a great aunt, or mentor to a young person instead if you want to. If you have kids and really didn’t want them, understand that feeling is okay too. We all do things in life that we wish we hadn’t and its okay to admit it to yourself. Then say, OK, what can I do NOW to make this situation better for me. Try your best to get help - whether from your husband, extended family, or paid help - at least some time each week for some time off to do things YOU like, and also for housecleaning help, even if its only 1x per month. As soon as you can find a job (part-time or full-time) that you like, or at least can stand, so that you have some autonomy and money of your own to get a few things for yourself - even going out to a movie by yourself once a month - something that helps you feel free. I was a stay at home mom for many many years, gave up a professional career because I couldn’t balance the stress of the job & taking care of the kids with a husband who worked 24/7. But that husband screwed up our finances big time and now I am divorced. It was hell finding a new job and career after so many years at home. So do your best to find some way to continue working, even if it is just part-time - your kids will be fine and you will have a greater confidence and learn how to take care of yourself financially. Since I returned to work 2 years ago and took back control of my life, I love my kids so much more. In a few short years I will be done with child-rearing and can take better care of me. My kids are lovely now and I enjoy spending time with them now that they are grown, they are accomplished academically and planning to be independent. I didn’t plan my life this way, but stuff always happens in life that you don’t plan - you cry, yell, scream, and then get help so you can find a way to make life better. A final note: post partum depression is real. It helps A LOT to find a good mothers support group and/or therapist, exercise (even some brisk walks outside) and, if necessary,medication. Don’t suffer needlessly in silence, it isn’t good for you or the children. Get help, you can feel better.
Im not going to sugar coat it….I was a wonderful dedicated mother for 2 years. I beat myself up and felt guilty every time anything went awry. If he cried….prob my fault. Prob something I wasn’t doing or providing him. The whining, manipulation, the constant filth, sticky hands, runny nose, the begging, the screaming finally got to me. I hate being a mother. Love my son…..HATE HATE HATE motherhood. Ill be old and broken by the time I get to go on a real vacation by myself somewhere and actually get to enjoy it. Ill be old when Im finally free. Sad.
I am so happy I came across this site. I am a 21 year old mother of a lovely 2 month old girl. I honestly love her and feel very protective of her. But if I could go back in time, I completely would. I was horribly depressed during my pregnancy. I resented the fact that, unlike all my 21 year old friends who were going to bars and clubs, I was stuck at home pregnant. I cried almost every day…even at my baby shower, after everyone had gone home, I broke down crying because this was just not the life I had planned. I had to drop out of college (which KILLED ME), due to awful morning sickness that caused my attendance and grades to plummet. Then my daughter was born…and for a while, my depression got worse. I still struggle with the realization of everything I’ve had to sacrifice. I feel like I’ve lost my entire identity..like my life is no longer my own. And I constantly have these moments when I forget that I’m a mom in a committed relationship. I struggle between the mom/wifey side of me and the 21-young-single-impulsive side of me. I wish I was still my own person, with no responsibilities or cares….I wish I could go out to the bar or to the club or go away for the weekend with my boyfriend. I wish I could go to a party and get drunk without feeling like I’m pushing my baby off on my family and without the fear of judgement from everyone. I love my baby with my heart and soul. But if I could go back in time and be more responsible, I would have avoided getting pregnant.
I’ve always struggled with being a mother. The early years were hard, then it got easier but now they are teenagers I just wish they would grow up and leave me to live my life the way I want. They are great boys and I love them but it’s way too hard. I guess it would be a lot easier if I did not have such an acrimonious relationship with their father. Sometimes he does stuff and I feel like saying to the boys just go and live with him, he just makes it so hard.
My child is so mean I wish I didn’t have a child. I love her but don’t like her. She inherited a selfish, mean personality from someone else in he family. If I had known that my child would act like that, I would not have had a child.
Yes I wish I could go back to being single and free. I love my autistic son but hate the responsibilities that weigh on me.