Did you marry the right person?
May 30th, 2008
Did you marry the right person? If not, who do you think you should have married? (remember, at Anonymousmom.com when you respond, you do NOT have to |
27 Responses to “Did you marry the right person?”
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I am using my other blog name/user name to answer this. My other, other name is the one I responded to the call for testers with. If that even makes sense.
My marriage has gone through some major stuff since we moved to another state. My husband, while he didn’t out and out cheat, he put out feelers if you will. We’ve been married 12 years this month. I wasn’t sure we’d make it to ten.
I know in my heart I married the right person for me. If I hadn’t, I would have been gone by now. I had boyfriends and a first fiancée who were all cheaters so I know how I would react.
Hell no, It took me a couple of times to get it right. Sheesh.
I hope so. Lately all we do is fight and I’m starting to wonder.
No, I did not. My husband and I both know that we would have been better if we married someone else. However, after years of struggle, we finally found ways to love and live with each other. I have quite a long story to tell!
Absolutely. We dated for many years before marriage (of course we were very young when we started dating). We did have two brief breakups and dated others which in the end was the best thing that could’ve happened. Otherwise, we might not have known we were perfect for each other… and we might have second guessed ourselves having never dated anyone else. We have a very happy marriage and are very secure which is a beautiful thing!
I didn’t. And I regret deeply that I married who I did. He’s a great person, but I never felt totally at peace with marrying him. There was another man I loved, and still love though I haven’t seen or talked to him in years. I’ve been married to my husband for over three years, and I don’t even know if I ever loved him. I won’t leave him, I’m not that kind of person and we have two children. I bet he totally thinks I love him and always have, but I don’t and I haven’t. I feel like I’ve been living a lie for years. But I keep trying to develop the kind of love for him that I should be feeling, and I want to make it work.
Wow, good to get that off my chest. I’ve never told anyone this, ever.
Yes, I think that I did, although we fight a lot sometimes and I worry. Still, when we’re not fighting, we’re friends so it’s not all bad.
Comment on June 1, 1:01pm
Wow. I just read what I could have written word for word. Only difference. I had an affair with that other person. Somehow my husband and I made it through, but I often wonder why. If we didn’t have kids I’d be gone.
The first time, definitely not. This time, YUP! I believe that it’s very hard to know for sure what will happen tomorrow, especially when you are including someone else’s feelings and actions, but I feel very confident that I am with not only the right person for me now, but the person who will be right for me tomorrow too!
My first marriage was one of those, “omg, I’m getting old (a very old 22 lol) and everyone is getting married, so I’ll take the first person” I tried hard to make it work, he didn’t. I never loved him and know that now. Honestly, I’m beyond glad that he didn’t care to make it work. I wouldn’t be with my best friend if he had!!
Yes and we got it right the first time. We were tailor made for each other. 17 years and still like teens!
NO. My husband is quite a lot older than me. He had been through a divorce, had teenage kids, was established in a career and was financially secure when we met and got married. There’s nothing wrong with all of that. He is a good man and I love him very much. But I believe that I would have been better off with someone that I could BUILD with instead of somebody who already had it all. Our playing field will never be level.
Ideally, my husband is a perfect fit for me. He makes a good income, never swears, loves me to death and lets me do as I please. However, in my heart I know who would better suit my personality. He is someone I talk to everyday and who acts as a bestfriend instead of who he should be in my life. Sacrifice is key I guess, you either have a person who caters to your well-being or someone who holds your heart.
If your suppose to marry someone who will take care of you. Then yes. But if you are suppose to marry someone who thinks about your feelings and what you think. And values your oppinion, then no. I have someone else for that. Someone I talk to everyday, and want to be in my life. We would be the perfect couple and family.
I don’t know. I sometimes wish I had married the man I believed my husband to be. The man he led me to believe he was. Instead I ended up in a situation when we are roommates sharing a name. And in many ways I feel trapped in my marriage and unable to escape and find someone who will respond to me the way that I want. I’ve tried talking to him about it, but he really doesn’t seem to care. He seems to believe that simply providing a home for me and our children is enough.
ABSOLUTELY!!! He is the love of my life, always and forever!
Who knows? I believe that marriage as we define it today is fundamentally flawed. Seriously, the weight that we expect our spouses to carry is just humanly impossible. Lover, soul mate, best friend, co-worker, sounding board…on and on. One person can not be all of these things at once. I think we are expecting way too much from this one relationship and as a result, it is simply doomed to failure. Only a small percentage of marriages actually work under the weight of these huge expectations and the rest of us feel cheated somehow as if we have chosen poorly. Ages ago it was more divided where marriage and friendship were seperate things and less was put on this single union…I’m not saying we should go back to a total lack of rights for woman but there has to be a happy medium. If 60% of all marriages fail something is not working and it just may be that we are looking for way more than can be realistically expected from one person.
no. i believed he was someone else when we got married and has turned out to be apathetic, condesending, insulting and disrespectful - i wish that World of Warcraft and XBOX would go extinct (childish i know)…
Unfortunately I don’t think I did. We are complete opposites. I realize that sometimes opposites attract, but in this case they don’t. I was 34 when I met my husband. He was 41. It was a first marriage for both of us. I was also almost 300 lbs at the time. Compared to the guys I dated before I met my husband, he was a saint. And I figured that I’d never find anyone else to marry me. I guess if I’m honest with myself, I knew on my wedding day that I wasn’t in love with him. I figured that he was a good guy and that eventually I’d fall in love with him. Well, 6 years later and I’m still not in love with him and there are many, many days I’m not even sure I like him very much. He’s very high strung, needs to be the center of attention, is very critical of me and everything/everyone around him, is very controling, etc. I’m the complete opposite. I want out so badly, but we have a 3 year old little girl who loves her Daddy very much. So I’m not sure what I’m going to do. I guess I could just deal with it, yet I’d like to know what it’s like to be in love before I die.
I don’t think that I married the right person, I married the first one who asked. Now, 11 years later, I’m miserable. I try so hard to make things work, but he doesn’t care. I have nothing left in me to try anymore, I wish that he would just leave me, but I know he won’t because of our kids. He’s controling, critical, and no fun to be around. I can’t believe this is how my life is turning to be.
I believe that I married a wonderful man, but, not my wonderful man. While I realize I have a lot to appreciate, I was a very young 20 year old who knew what she wanted and married the first guy who fit the criteria. I have been married many years now and have several children (and he is a wonderful Dad as well…) and have just a couple of years ago whole-heartedly fell in love with another man. I wasn’t looking for it, but it found me. What could I do? So, here I am wondering…will I live the entire rest of my life never ever feeling in entirety what I had the opportunity to just taste with whom I’d guess to have been my soulmate? It’s soul shattering. I tend to spend a lot of time daydreaming as my way of escaping. My eldest daughter makes jokes about me frequently being off in space.
I dated a lot of guys who treated me badly in one way or another…so when i met my (now) husband, who was sweet and kind and patient and nothing like those other guys, I guess I felt like this was what women all over this world would kill to have…so i married him.
almost 6 years later, I feel lost and don’t feel like we’re compatible at all. He’s good to me, a great father, and has no problem with helping out around the house(even though I have to ask a million times and remind him a bazillion times)….but he has not ONE romantic bone in his body. he’s boring and would prefer to sit by himself on his computer than to do something with me. He doesn’t do anything to make me feel loved and appreciated…even though we’ve had the conversation a million times…he just doesn’t get it.
I keep finding myself attracted to guy friends who are attentive and “seem” like the romantic type. I’m afraid of what might happen if I don’t get this issue straightened out.
Married 14 yrs in a loveless relationship. I don’t know why we married. Some romantic notion that a voice in my head told me he was the one. We tolerate each other or shall I say I tolerate being belittled and berated often. I’m lonely and emotionally unfullfilled. We have great sex, but it’s just sex, no emotional connection. Sometimes I feel like a whore. He does not seem to get that a relationship is more than sex. He seems to think everything is okay and we’ll reconnect after the kids grow up. Really? I may not be here when you wake up!
He has on the positive side changed me to be a more positive person. I do believe he was good for me. I live with no regrets.
I believe he is cheating, if not out and out cheating, he certainly spends more time away from home with friends than at home with family. He has left me stranded with 4 kids to go out with friends, 1 female. He goes on non-businesstrips w/o us, but with said female and other friends. He expects I will hold the fort and just tolerate being alone.
I’m not sure cheating is enough to say it’s over. I have my own rekindling of an old flame going on, which started about 4 months after I found out about my husband’s female friend being likely more than friends. My old flame was served divorce papers from his wife of similar years to my own marriage. A part of me wonders if we should give a life together a try, yet on the other hand I’d be happy with just a life long affair with him.
Honestly, it’s a money thing. My husband provides a good life with an above average income. Divorce would render us without our home just for starters. It would prevent us from giving to our children what we want for them. It would prevent me from completing my dream for my career. It just isn’t a “rational” thing to do. The positives would be solely my freedom, but not real freedom. We all live in cages and we define the walls with which we live.
I could see my old flame and I being together after children are grown, but he probably does not want to wait. He couldn’t wait for me 15 years ago. He probably isn’t good at sharing either, so a life long affair is not going to happen. Mo anam cara…
The person I wanted to marry would not commit at the time. We were together for 4 years, so I moved on. (It broke my heart) I was getting older and wanted children. So I married someone that I did not have that “passion” for as my ex. We have 2 beautiful children, so that is the happy ending. I love my husband, but don’t really “love” him. I still love the x…he is married too. We both got married around the same time and had 2 children. His friends say I just should have waited. Don’t know what he meant by that, but have a feeling…I always wonder what it would have been like…I still think about him, alot! We run into each other occassionally, but never alone. I know he still has feelings for me to. He just wasn’t ready at the time. So I settled. Didn’t know it at the time, but do now. I have dreams of some day being together again.
My husband and I will be celebrating our 10 year this Dec. and now I’m postitive I’m with the right guy. But it was a long road. Looking back I think we married each other because it was the next logical step in our relationship. I’m wife number 4, he is 16 years older than me. We promised each other when we married that as long as one of us wanted to work on the marriage the other would make the effort. I wanted to work on it in year two instead of leaving, resulting in a year of counseling, he wanted to work on it in year 6 in stead of leaving, resulting in 9 months of counseling. Because we both kept that original promise to each other we now have a wonderful relationship and marriage. I know I’m lucky that he will go to a ‘quack’, especially since it took 2 or 3 to find the right one the first time.
I knew just the other day that I was really commited to forever when he made some thoughless comment that really hurt me. My first reaction was not ‘well I’m leaving’ but ‘I want him to feel hurt too & how can I do that’. I didn’t follow through, of course, it was just the little witchy voice inside. But it made me realize that leaving isn’t even an idea in my head.
You know, marriage is making the other person feel as bad as you do. LOL!
I married the nice guy that everyone thinks is soooo great. all my single friends say im so lucky to have a man who supports me and takes care of his children. The reality is he is satisfied with having sex 1 to 3 times per year. he never takes me out anywhere. he has no friends, passion or desires and other than being a nice guy has contributed nothing but a pay check to our family. my life is boring and even though he is present i am lonely.
I DONT THINK I MARRIED THE RIGHT GUY, CUASE WE ARE SO OPPOSITE FROM EACH OTHER. WHEN WE FIRST MET HE DIDNT KNOW ENGLISH AND I DIDNT KNOW THAT MUCH SPANISH, WE ALWAYS HAD OUR FRIENDS TO TRANSLATE, OR MY MOTHER. AND PLUS I WAS A OUT GOING PERSON LOVE TO GO CLUBING, GO PARTY AND HIM DIDNT AT ALL. THERE WAS ONCE WE WENT TOGETHER TO A CLUB IT WAS GREAT UNTIL SUPPOSELY I STARTED DANCING WITH OTHER MAN. BUT THE THING IS I WAS DANCING LIKE ALWAYS BY MYSELF AND HIS RIGHT THERE, SOME GUY WENT BEHIND ME AND I DIDNT KNOW UNTIL ME HUSBAND GOT IN THAT GUYS FACE AND TELLING HIM THINGS THEN HE WAS TELLING LET GO I SAID OK, BUT HE WAS BLAMING ON ME. HE SAID THAT I WAS LETTING THAT GUY DANCE WITH ME. THAT GUY JUST BARLY WENT BEHIND ME AND ONCE I FELT SOMETHING I WAS GOING TO TURN AND SAID NO, BUT HE DID IT FIRST. SO NOW WE DONT GO OUT ANYWHERE ANY MORE, NO WHERE. NOT EVEN TO MOVIES. HE DOESNT LIKE TO BE OUT BUT I DO, AT LEAST SOME WHERE WE CAN BE TOGETHER HAVING FUN, BUT HE DOESNT LIKE TO HAVE FUN. OR MAYBE JUST NOT WITH ME. I THINK THE ONLY REASON WE GOT MARRIED FOR HIS PAPERS AND CAUSE WE HAD A SON. I WANTED ONE THATS HOW MUCH I DID LOVE HIM SOME REASON NOT ANYMORE LIKE I USE TO. I THINK I SHOULD HAD JUST BEEN A SINGLE GIRL HAVING FUN. BUT NOW IM A MOM, I HAVE TO BE WITH MY SON, TAKE CARE OF HIM. ANYTHINGS HAPPENS TO MY MARRIAGE, I WOULD BE A SINLGE MOM FOR A WHILE UNTIL I FIND MR RIGHT OR NOT AT ALL. WELL SEE WHAT HAPPENS IF I REMEMBER TO COME BACK ON HERE IN A YEAR OR TWO I LET YALL KNOW WHAT HAPPEN. SOON OR LATER THATS WHAT I WANT TO KNOW.
I definitely did not marry the love of my life. The love of my life has been in my heart for 25 years. He was the first guy I had sex with when I was 15. We had been together off and on for the next 15 years then I moved on. I moved out of state had w baby got married. We lost touch for the next 4 years. We got back in touch and spoke ocassionally for 3 more years. A year ago as my marriage got worse due to the fact that my husband works alot didn’t take time for us to keep our marriage alive and stop satisfying me sexually i went back home for a visit and had dinner with my ex. That was all. When I got home I called him and told him I still had feelings for him. Well it’s been a year and it has been great. We both love each other very much and yes I have went back to see him for more than dinner. He is not rushing me to end my marriag and want me to be sure. He said he will wait. In the meantime my marriage is hanging on by q thread and I have made it a point to work on it but it is what it is. My husband is not doing what he said he would do. It’s obvious he don’t feel the same either but he does not want a divorce. This is his second marriage and he does not want to mess up the financial stability we have. Plus we have a 10 yr old son to think about. I will not leave my husband for my ex. I don’t plan on moving back home anytime soon. I Will not take my son away from dad and jobs are hard to come by let alone a good one which I already have. My ex understands and agrees. I am letting it all play it self out and let the chips fall as the may. I was going to leave a month ago and my husband said he would make time for me. He has not. I settled for my husband knowing he was not my type and that I was in love with my ex.